Port Macquarie Counselling

Improving your Relationship

2011-12-08T16:35:00.000-08:00

Winner's Circle Network with Lou Tice - 12/8/11 - "Improving Your Relationship"

What can you do when you want to improve your marriage or close relationship, but your significant other seems to be content with the way things are?

Marriage or other close relationships offer us unique opportunities to grow. Sometimes, though, conflict arises when partners in romantic relationships have different visions of what the relationship should be like and different ideas about the direction it should take.

If you think your close relationship could use some work but your partner doesn't, what do you do? Well, for starters, you don't start blaming them for disagreeing with you and don't assume that there is something wrong with you. What you can do, instead, is share your visions with each other. Can you describe, as specifically as possible, without blaming or judging, just how you see the problem?

Sometimes professional couples counseling can be a great help in opening faulty lines of communication. But whether you decide to get help or not, make sure you stay focused on a vision of how the relationship will look when it is fixed, and maintain a non-blaming, non-judgmental attitude throughout.

Remember that disagreement doesn't have to mean someone is wrong, and conflict can lead to greater harmony if it is handled properly.

________________________________________________________________________

If you have enjoyed this article there is a regular newsletter that you can sign up for at:

The Pacific Institute, Inc.

www.thepacificinstitute.com

The Intuitive Mind

2011-11-14T12:10:00.001-08:00

The Intuitive Mind is a sacred gift, and the rational mind is a faithful servant.
Albert Einstein.

The Divided Brain

2011-11-14T12:05:00.000-08:00

RSA Animate
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFs9WO2B8uI&feature=player_embedded

Thinking about giving up on your dream?

2011-09-24T17:41:00.000-07:00

Did you know that... Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper editor because "he lacked imagination and had no good ideas." He went bankrupt several times before he built Disneyland. In fact, the proposed park was rejected by the city of Anaheim on the grounds that it would only attract riff raff.

So if you're thinking about giving up on your dream, think of Walt Disney.

Different than you...

2011-09-15T23:19:00.000-07:00

An article by: Lou Tice - The Pacific Institute, Inc.
www.thepacificinstitute.com

How tolerant are you of people who look and think differently than you? With global terrorism continuing to rise, this is an important question - one which drives down to the very core of who we are as human beings.

I am deeply concerned about hate crimes (meaning crimes motivated by racism, intolerance or bigotry) today. It's also very troubling that people under the age of 18 commit more than half of these vicious crimes in the United States - and the trend seems to be spreading to other countries not normally known for such behavior.

A Harris Poll some time ago indicated that over fifty percent of the high school students had personally witnessed racial confrontations and four out of ten said that they would be willing to either participate in or silently support racial incidents. From the front pages of the newspapers, I don't think things have gotten much better.

Now, my experience has taught me that hate, fear, and violence only survive where there is ignorance, and where a poor self-image makes it seem desirable to see others as somehow beneath you.

I think that schools should teach tolerance and respect right along with basic skills. After all, we live in a world where diversity is the rule rather than the exception. If our kids are threatened by differences or uncomfortable around others who don't look or speak as they do, they aren't likely to grow or go very far.

I challenge you to join me in taking responsibility for supporting tolerance in our schools and to help every child you know to realize that we are all more alike than different. A first good step would to be to practice what we preach by getting to know someone different than ourselves.

Lou Tice - The Pacific Institute, Inc. - to subscribe to Lou's email newsletter articles go to: www.thepacificinstitute.com

Mosaic faces from a mosaic table - images taken outside Wauchope Community Centre... sorry I don't know the names of the fabulous creators - if you do, please let me know.

Hedy Schleifer at The Smart Marriage Conference

2011-09-13T15:30:00.000-07:00

View more at: Hedy Yumi Youtube

Thinking in colour and images

2011-09-06T18:59:00.000-07:00

Mind Map Image from: Buzan

What? Thinking in colour? Sometimes it seems to me that we can all be found guilty of thinking in black and white... either or scenarios. Let me explain... something happens at home, we put the brakes on... and then before you know it we are in an argument saying... 'it's my way or get out'... and so many relationships can finish that way. Relationships that may have you wondering later on, why did I leave like that?

Perhaps black and white thinking can be helpful sometimes, when we need to put the brakes on in certain areas of our lives. When we drink to much and want to start moderating, or stopping. However studies have proven that our brain loves images and colour.

So lets consider colour and image thinking. When other people are important to us, we need to start thinking outside our normal way of response. We need to start to become creative and work together to find out news of being together.

This is where mind mapping can be helful... you might like to read Tony Buzan's book on Mind Mapping or watch the video below.

the Peace Pavillion

2011-09-05T04:19:00.001-07:00

On a recent visit to the Arts Centre at The Gold Coast, I discovered a gem in the middle of the park at the back of the centre. The Peace Pavillion. I don't know if the same feeling of peace will be felt by looking at these pictures, that I felt while wandering around there, but I hope so.

The Peace Pavillion... is dedicated to each person who spends a few moments of the day discovering inner peace. You are joining people from all over the world who celebrate peace as a an active part of their lives.

If peace were a picture what would it be?
If you could touch peace, how would it feel?
let your thoughts slow down completely,
Imagine you are spiritual light.

My natural positive energy is beginning to flow.
I am serene, calm and confident,
filling with lightness and ease.
Quietness encircles me
I feel close to the Source of peace and love
I absorb soothing streams of silence and power
Peace is mine I feel renewed.

I am a Peaceful Soul
and I take this into the world.

The Culture of Peace

Give Peace a chance... John Lennon

We walk together on sacred ground, Black feet, white feet, footprints soft upon the land. The Dreaming moves beneath our feet. The landscape is alive. Pitjantjatjara People.

It is important from time to time to slow down, to go away by yourself, and simply be. Eileen Caddy

Although it is difficult to bring about peace
Through internal transformation, this is the only way to achieve lasting peace. The Dalai Lama

It is only with the heart that I can really see.
What is essential is invisible to the eye. Antoine de St Exupery

We seek to heal our past and move on together. Mark Dodson

And the Peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds. Philippians 4

God is the friend of silence. Trees, flowers, grass grow in silence.
See the stars, moon, and sun how they move in silence. Mother Theresa

Aim at heaven and you will get the earth thrown in.
Aim at earth and you will get neither. CS Lewis

Peace is the vessel in which all blessings are contained. The Talmud

I believe in the sun even when it is not shining. Anne Frank

It gets dark sometimes, but morning comes. Keep hope alive. Rev Jesse Jackson

Reach out for your spiritual side, for it is the only possible way that you can be who you are... Receive the fullness in your heart that is yours for we are of a spiritual design and destiny my brothers and sisters. The Confederation Tribes of Warm Springs Oregon

"Would you tell me please, which way I ought to go from here?" asked Alice
"That depends a great deal on where you want to get to". said the Cat
Lewis Carroll

When you do the things that you can do, you will find the Way and the Way will follow you. Winnie the Pooh

Be melting snow. Wash yourself of yourself. Rumi

I learned to love you Today

2011-08-27T19:14:00.000-07:00

I Learned To Love You Today

You're miserable and probably one of the rudest people I've ever come across.

When I approach you, you turn away and pretend that I am not there, until you're ready.

I have tried a thousand times to make you smile, and you have tried a thousand times not to.

I have dreaded even having to deal with you. I even tried coming at another time only to find you there at all hours.

The hard, staid, look on your face remains unchanged no matter what day it is, what time it is or even what season.

A "Beautiful day!" gets a moan.

"Hello, how are you today?" always returns "The same."

I have given up on you; I have been angered by you. I have even thought about complaining to the manager, but didn't.

Then one day I caught myself acting just like you and realized that I must stop.

I finally resolved myself to the fact that you are who you are and I cannot change that.

You are a fact of my life, and I must learn to deal with it.

You made me.

The one day that I permitted myself to return the emptiness, rude behavior, terrible attitude and silent treatment, you chose to say something.

I approached the checkout and you said, "Are you Okay?" I was stunned. I could actually feel my brow, my entire face scrunch up apparently angry that you would ask.

"Am I okay?" I said in disbelief.

"Yes." you replied. "You are usually so upbeat and chipper."

I stood in this dream-like state confused by what was going on.

You looked at me and said, "I depend on you to lift my spirits every time you come in. I work three jobs, my bills are piling up, my kids need clothes for school, my husband left me and three weeks later I found out I have cancer."

I was speechless.

"Now you come in with this attitude today," she said.

I actually apologized.

I never considered that you were much more than a clerk. I never tried to understand that behind that face was personal pain, life challenges and loss.

Sure you should learn to separate work and life, but sometimes life digs in, hurts, and you end up wearing it like an ugly dress. It fits, but no one wants to see it.

Knowing now how difficult your life is, I will see you through the eyes of love.

Love is more than romantic. Love is compassionate.
Love is kind. Love is forgiving. Love is seeing beyond the pain.

"I learned to love you today."

~by Bob Perks www.BobPerks.com~
in an email from Mountain Wings.com

"Separating Self-Worth and Behaviour"

2011-08-25T16:03:00.000-07:00

Whether you are raising kids or trying to improve your own self-esteem, the relationship between who you are and what you do is important. Whether you are a parent, grandparent, or simply trying to build your own self-esteem, it is important to realize that we need to separate our sense of self-worth from our behaviour.

Imagine this scene: A three-year-old asks repeatedly, "Mama, do you love me?" Each time, Mom answers, "Of course I do." Then the child takes her hand and leads her to a broken flowerpot or shattered toy and looks at her questioningly.

Here is a little child, on this earth only three short years, already asking one of the most profound psychological questions any of us can ask: "Is my ability to be loved tied to what I do? Am I the same as my behaviour?" The answer for all of us, no matter how old we are, should be the same, "No, indeed!"

The importance of this point can't be overemphasized. To increase self-worth, it is vital that we respond to behaviour while remaining friendly and respectful toward the person. This means that when a child misbehaves, we don't call him a "bad boy." And when a child does what we want her to, we don't say, "What a good girl!" Instead, we praise the behaviour and hug the child.

The same goes for how we treat ourselves. Remember that you are not simply what you do any more than you are what you wear.

Article by: Lou Tice

This is an article from a newsletter that Lou Tice writes. If you have enjoyed this article and would like to receive these as well please visit...

The Pacific Institute, Inc.
www.thepacificinstitute.com

Dissolving Frustrations

2011-07-07T18:24:00.000-07:00

Buzz Lightyear's Helmet

2011-07-03T16:27:00.000-07:00

Buzz Lightyear's Helmet
========================

"See how Buzz Lightyear's helmet flips up!
It is a working helmet," my five-year-old excitedly explained.

He was sitting in the bathtub playing with an action figure called Buzz Lightyear from the movie "Toy Story."

I listened and watched intently as he explained every detail of the toy. It was about as exciting as mini-bike brakes. In fact, it was exactly as exciting as mini-bike brakes.

Over 30 years ago, I bought a brand new, candy apple red, 3.5 horsepower, Cyclops mini-bike for $175.00. I worked during the summer and saved $25.00 per week for seven weeks to pay for it. I earned $1.00 per hour, so it took most of my pay to put $25.00 aside for the mini-bike.

If I could afford and purchased a multi-million dollar Lear Jet tomorrow, it wouldn't have half of the excitement that the Cyclops had. I remember that I rolled it inside of the house and parked it in my bedroom for the night.

My mother noticed the smell of gasoline in the house and asked what the smell was. When she discovered I had parked the mini-bike in my bedroom, she promptly made me take it to the garage.

Nothing material has ever come close to the mini-bike in terms of raw excitement and the fulfillment of a dream.

So what does that have to do with Buzz Lightyear and his helmet?

You see, the mini-bike had drum brakes, just like a car. The brakes weren't operated by hydraulics but rather by a cable from levers on the handlebars.

I remember proudly explaining to my father about the brakes on the Cyclops. How they operated just like his car. I explained how safe they were and the principle on which they worked.

My father listened as though I was explaining the secret of life to him. My father was not a mechanical man. I now know that he didn't really know what drum brakes were. He didn't care either but I didn't know that.

He knew that his son cared about them. He knew the importance of listening, even if it was something that he wasn't interested in. I remember his intense steel gray eyes as they peered at the brake mechanism nodding approval.

Drum brakes on the Cyclops, hinged helmet on Buzz, same thing.

It's been over 30 years. My father has been gone from this life nearly ten years. I still remember. The Cyclops is now nothing more than dust in some junkyard or landfill. The memory of the intense gaze and the nodding approval is still strong.

It's why I gazed so strongly and paid so much attention to the hinged helmet. Buzz, like the Cyclops, will soon be gone, but the memories will shape a spirit and remain.

Little things that you do can change a life.

You never know when that moment is.

What a person puts in front of you could be their dream and constant labor. You never know what a little attention can do. You also never know what inattention can do.

My son was naked in more than the physical when he showed me Buzz. He had the shields removed and opened his heart to share what he held precious.

I thought that my father listened as though I was explaining the secret of life to him. I now realize that he was showing the secret of life to me.

Remember what is precious to another, may not be to you, but it is precious nonetheless. You'll have your opportunities to shape a spirit.

Don't let it pass you by, be it Buzz or brakes.

~A MountainWings Original~

from: www.mountainwings.com

Bear Cottage Hospice for Children

2011-05-22T19:05:00.000-07:00

Bear Cottage, located in Manly, is a children’s hospice – a very special place dedicated to caring for children with life-limiting conditions and their families. At Bear Cottage, every life, however short, is enriched, enjoyed and celebrated.

Bear Cottage is a place, where cherished moments and special memories are created – a place where life is for living. Whilst staying at Bear Cottage, families receive individual, specialised support delivered by a team of dedicated and highly skilled professionals.

A stay at this home away from home is exactly what each family needs it to be. Families do not pay for any services they receive from Bear Cottage, instead the $2.5 million required to keep the doors open each year are raised entirely by the community.

For more information visit the Bear Cottage Website

If you are interested in participating in a fundraiser for these wonderful kidsBear Cottage Go Fundraise - Click here for info

How to get more of what you want...

2011-05-13T14:54:00.000-07:00

Positive thinking is certainly a powerful thing, but positive expression is equally important. Many people, especially marriage partners and parents of small children, seem to believe that the best way to get somebody to change for the better is to consistently point out to them what they are doing wrong.

These authority figures criticize, day in and day out. Eventually the people they are talking to become frustrated and often start to feel angry, because they see that nothing they say or do has any positive effect, and sometimes things even get worse.

Has this ever happened to you? If so, there's a principle of cognitive psychology that I teach in my seminars you'll want to know about. It's simply this: We move toward and become like what we think about. And we automatically behave in ways that match the image we have of our capabilities and ourselves.

When you focus on what is going wrong, you tend to experience more of the problem. And when you focus on the solution, you move toward it, as surely as day follows night.

So instead of telling folks what they are doing wrong, why not tell them what they are doing right? Instead of telling them what the problem is, why not tell them what the solution looks like and how it will benefit them personally?

And while you're at it, why not tell them how much you enjoy and appreciate the thoughtful or bright or funny things they say and do. Remember the behavior that you focus on and praise tends to be repeated.

Lou Tice

The Pacific Institute

Talking with Teens

2011-04-05T17:37:00.000-07:00

What should parents do if they want their teenagers to confide in them? Dr. Joyce Vedral, author of several books on the teenager-parent relationship, asked a large number of teens to answer this question, and here is what they said.

Generally, teenagers tend to feel comfortable talking with those parents with whom they can laugh and joke, parents whose understanding they know can count on. When asked why they would choose one parent over another to confide in, they invariably say they choose the one who stays calm even when they, themselves, are emotional, and who never says things like, "That shouldn't bother you."

Here's something else that's critical. In our efforts to get our teenagers to talk to us, many of us neglect to talk to them - especially about how much we appreciate, love and admire them. Sometimes we get so caught up in our efforts to keep our kids on the right track that we forget to tell them how great they are. That is a big mistake.

Nothing can be more encouraging and more conducive to building their self-esteem than you taking the time to express confidence that they have what it takes to make it in life.

They may not tell you on the spot how much your approval matters to them, but believe me, it does.

P.S. Don't feel guilty if you haven't done these things so far. There's no time like the present to start!

article by
Lou Tice
read more or sign up for newsletters at:
The Pacific Institute
www.thepacificinstitute.com

Listening to Teens

2011-04-05T17:35:00.000-07:00

An article by Lou Tice...
Parents of teenagers often complain that they can't get their kids to communicate. Sometimes there are good reasons why.

Teenagers really want to be able to talk to their parents. In fact, in some cases, they're dying because they can't. Most teens who commit suicide are those who feel they can't talk to either parent, and their feelings of loneliness, isolation and despair take over.

Parents, without realizing it, do things that stop their teen-aged children from confiding in them. What sorts of things? Well, they interrupt to give reprimands and lectures instead of just listening, giving support and saving the moral lesson for another time.

Or, they discount what the teen is feeling by making it seem trivial or unimportant, especially when compared to the grown-up responsibilities parents must cope with.

If you catch yourself behaving in these ways when your teenagers try to talk with you, stop and apologize. Your teenager will appreciate your efforts to change your behavior to gain a closer relationship, and he or she will give you another chance - maybe not on the spot, but soon.

If your communications have broken down completely, a few visits to a good family therapist can help get you back on track. Few things in life are as important as your relationship with your kids. Why not make it as good as it can possibly be?

by Lou Tice
Learn more or read more at:
The Pacific Institute
www.thepacificinstitute.com

people who try to belittle you

2011-02-08T02:22:00.001-08:00

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great." Mark Twain

How Does Divorce Affect Teenagers

2011-02-07T15:02:00.001-08:00

Parenting Question

"After a turbulent 18 years of marriage, I believe my husband and I will be getting a divorce soon. We've split up lots of times before (due to both his and my affairs) and we've tried counseling, but this time I think it is finally over. There is too much hurt and too much anger. Cliché of me perhaps, but I have stayed because of my kids. I just want to know, how does divorce really affect teenagers? I have two teens: a 14-year-old girl and a 16-year-old boy." --Soon-To-Be Single Mom

Positive Parenting Tip for Teenagers Dealing with Divorce

Dear Soon-To-Be Single Mom:

Bottom line--getting a divorce will rock your teens' world.
Yet chances are your children have already experienced the negative affects of your strained relationship to your husband. Yongmim Sun, assistant professor at Ohio State,conducted a National Education Longitudinal Study with over 10,000 students and concluded that: "The negative effects that we associate with divorce are actually evident in teens at least one year before the marriage has ended.... It's not accurate to say divorce doesn't matter at all, but it is true that much of the damage to adolescents has already occurred before the divorce." (Journal of Marriage and Family, August 2001).

So how will your teens react? There is no way to tell for certain, but generally teens and pre-teens dealing with their parents divorce may become:

1. Angry and highly critical of their parents' decision.

2. Depressed or withdrawn from both parents, while seeking stronger connections with peers.

3. Disillusioned with marriage and feel rejected by one or both parents.

4. Better behaved--hoping that this will save their parents' marriage.

5. Involved with risk-taking activities (i.e. skipping class, turning to drugs and alcohol, becoming sexually active, etc.)

6. Withdrawn from one parent as a form of punishment--while taking the side of the other parent.

Fortunately, you can mitigate some of these negative effects by:
1. Maintaining current family routines (as much as possible) and ensuring that your kids have quality time with both you and your husband.

2. Resisting the urge to lean on your teens for support and instead seeking counseling and the support of your own friends.

3. Taking a vow of silence whenever you feel compelled to speak ill of your husband while in the presence of your children.

4. Ensuring that your teens have support from friends and family. Research suggests that support from extended members of your family and community can make a world of difference when it comes to having your teens successfully survive a divorce.

5. Finding a counselor for your teens that they like and can confide in (school counselors are sometimes useful to consult).

6. Continuing to expect respect from your teens and maintaining your current household rules.

Divorce (and the lead up to divorce) puts a strain on everyone in the family. By striving to make your divorce as amicable as possible, by finding support for your teens and counseling for you, and by staying connected with your children you will get through this--and so will they.

________________________________________________________________________________________

Article by: Kelly Nault, MA author of When You’re About To Go Off The Deep End, Don’t Take Your Kids With You inspires moms to put themselves first—for the sake of their children. She shares time-tested tools that motivate children to want to be well behaved, responsible and happy!
Mommy Moments.com

_________________________________________________________________________________________

Would you stop to listen?

2011-02-01T11:48:00.000-08:00

The Setting: In Washington, a Railway Station, a cold January morning, a man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2,000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.

He finished playing and silence took over. Of all the people walking through the station that day, very few people stopped to notice. No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold-out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music.

The Experiment: Joshua Bell, playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was organized by Gene Weingarten of the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities.

This experiment raised several questions:

*In a common-place environment, at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?

*If so, do we stop to appreciate it?

*Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:

If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made . . .

How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?

An excerpt from mountainwings.com

A nurturing family

2011-01-29T15:09:00.000-08:00

Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible - the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family. Virginnia Satir

Harbouring hate and resentment

2011-01-29T14:23:00.001-08:00

"A Rattlesnake, if Cornered will become so angry it will bite itself. That is exactly what the harboring of hate and resentment against others is - a biting of oneself. We think we are harming others in holding these spites and hates, but the deeper harm is to ourselves." E. Stanley Jones

Hope can be given...

2011-01-28T15:38:00.000-08:00

“Just as despair can come to one another only from other human beings, hope, too, can be given to one only by other human beings.” – Elie Wiesel

Never underestimate the power of kindness... a kind word, a smile, helping someone push a heavy trolley to their car... all these little things can turn someone else's world from despair to hope - and you have that power.

Look in your heart and see the truth

2011-01-11T21:33:00.000-08:00

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth, you are weeping for that, which has been your delight. Kahlil Gibran

Wellness Mandala

2011-01-08T15:41:00.000-08:00

This Wellness Mandala and many others can be found at: Soul Art

Take time to breathe today

2011-01-03T15:05:00.000-08:00

Sounds silly doesn't it, take time to breathe today, after all we are all breathing all the time... But if you will just stop what you are doing, just for a minute or two, and give yourself some time alone - and focus on your breath, breath in and breath out... you will start to feel the benefit of relaxation. Let your thoughts drift, simply bring your awareness to your breath in and then your breath out, then keep focussed only on your breath for a minute or two, or 20 if you can.

If there is somewhere in nature you love to go to - picture this place in your mind, or have an image of nature you like to gaze at, and bring your awareness to your breath.

The image above is from modresdes.blogspot.com

Anchors Away

2010-12-17T15:59:00.000-08:00

This week, I have received two email newsletters with an Anchor theme. The first newsletter asked if you had an area of your life that provided an anchor of security a shelter during tough times. This anchor could be a place you find relaxing to visit, a friend you can talk things over with, a faith you find comfort in, a pet that loves you unconditionally. This got me to thinking where my anchors are, and what I find comforting. I love walking along the beach at dawn, I love the clear air, and I love it when it is low tide. The colours of the water, the sand and the sky all vary, but there is something about being at the beach at this time, that I find restorative. Dancing is another one of my anchors, I find going over and over movements, practising, gives me focus. Art, another anchor, is a time out area for me when I paint, I lose my thoughts and focus in only on what I am doing. It gives my mind time to clear and my house a new artwork.

Then the second email asked if you had an invisible anchor that was holding you back, the question was related to past lives, which I am not really focused on right now as my present life has enough going on for me. However the question really did get my mind thinking about this life now and what anchors I had that may be holding me back.

If you imagine for a moment, about being on a boat in a safe harbour, you want to go somewhere, but your anchor is snagged on something beneath the boat. The snag stops you from going anywhere. You don't want to stay in the harbour, you want to explore. Are there areas in your life that are holding you back? An anchor, that you'd rather not have? Perhaps it is a fear of doing something - like flying. You'd like to travel but fear of flying (crashing really) holds you back. Or perhaps it is a hurt from a past relationship that stops you from trying again.

This morning I am grateful for the anchors that keep me grounded and safe especially at Christmas. I love the ritual of putting up and decorating our Christmas tree. I love providing Christmas spirit, by decorating the topiary tree outside our home to share joy with others, who may not be experiencing joy right now in their lives. This morning I am wondering what anchors I need to let go of that keep me snagged.

So what are the anchors that work for you? And what are the ones keeping you snagged?

The Power of Connection

2010-12-14T03:32:00.000-08:00

Purposeful Problems

2010-12-06T18:38:00.000-08:00

This is from Cheryl Richardson.com newsletter this week...

Purposeful Problems

"Bad times have a scientific value. These are occasions a good learner would not miss." --Ralph Waldo Emerson

I love the above quote and today, as I was searching for a newsletter to rerun this week while I travel back from LA, I came across this one. It's about what I learned from encountering problems while finishing up the building of our home. So, think about something that's challenging you right now, sit back and get ready for a new perspective...

After hitting a stumbling block while getting ready to move into our new home, I had a chance to see how my approach to dealing with problems has changed dramatically over the course of the building process. When the carpet installers began laying carpet, they discovered that the color of one large piece of rug was completely different than the rest. I learned about the problem from the installer when we first met in the driveway. His introduction was exactly what you don't want to hear when moving in two weeks: "Hi Cheryl, nice to meet you. Boy do we have a big problem here!"

Now, I've learned a thing or two about problems. First, very few are life threatening. Very few. Yes, a problem may cause a setback, hurt feelings, enormous amounts of frustration and stress, or feelings that are so overwhelming that it makes the situation appear insurmountable, but in the larger scheme of life, if you handle them right, they rarely cause irreparable damage. This little bit of wisdom always reminds me to step back, breathe, and engage my sense of humor. I actually chuckled to myself when the carpet installer gave me the bad news.

Second, I've learned that where "things" are concerned, I'm better off spending my time and energy on the solution rather than rehashing the specifics of what happened. Too often we get caught up in the drama of the details. For example, I don't need to debate how the carpet got damaged or why they delivered it to us in such poor shape. It is what it is. The carpet is defective and needs to be replaced. Once you shift your attention to what has to happen next to get the job done, you'll feel more empowered. And believe me, that's a good thing for everyone involved ☺.

Finally, the most important lesson of all has to do with finding the power in the problem - an opportunity for growth. When Michael and I decided to build a home, we heard everything from, "You must be out of your mind," to "Build a house, lose a spouse." One person, however, had a very different perspective. My friend Kelly said, "This could be an amazing opportunity for personal and spiritual growth." Little did I know how right Kelly would turn out to be. Our decision to take on such a big, soul-inspired project would challenge us in ways we never could have imagined. And, we've grown a lot both individually and together as a result.

If you're faced with a problem right now, remember this: There's gold hiding somewhere and it has to do with the growth of your soul. Building our home has given me this gift. Every problem carries a possibility for us to become better people - great listeners, more compassionate, resourceful, or decisive, for example. Surrender to the gift and let it lead you to an even better life!

The Power of One

2010-11-29T22:16:00.000-08:00

I have been learning about mindfulness and I visited www.Mindfulness.com - I watched a very inspiring youtube video... I have placed a copy here... to learn more about Mindfulness you might like to visit the site too... mindfulness.com

One grain of sand can turn the tide
One single spark can light the night
One simple dream
One gentle word
One act of love from someone
Can start a Chain Reaction
It all begins in the heart
The Power of One

Are you unhappy?

2010-11-29T17:57:00.000-08:00

Are you unhappy? Would you like to be happier?
The ABC has just produced a series on Making Australia Happy... you can watch the series here....

Your creative self... an uplifting podcast with Julia Cameron

2010-11-29T16:49:00.000-08:00

If you are looking to develop your creative artistic side, I can't think of a better person to refer you to than Julia Cameron author of The Artist's Way. The Artist's Way online community has many resources to assist you on your journey. Here is a snippet from Julia's website...

A Guide for Starting Creative Clusters
When The Artist's™ Way was first published, I expressed a wish for Artist's™ Way groups to spring into being. I envisioned them as peer-run circles – "creative clusters" where people would serve one another as believing mirrors, uniting with the common aim of creative unblocking. It was my vision that such circles would be free of charge, that anyone could assemble one, using the book as a guide and a text. Many such peer-run circles did form and many more are forming still. Such artist-to-artist, heart-to-heart help and support are the heart of The The Artist's™ Way and The Vein of Gold.

Not surprisingly, many therapists, community colleges, wellness centers, universities, and teachers soon began running facilitated Artist's™ Way groups, for which they charged a fee. The Artist's™Way groups were led rather than simply convened. To the degree to which they adhered to the spiritual principles of creative recovery and introduced people to the use of the tools, they were – and are – valuable. Any group that starts with such a leader should, however, rapidly become autonomous, "graduating" to a peer-run, nonprofit status.

Another of my favourite people Cheryl Richardson, has recently interviewed Julia Cameron, if you would like to listen to the interview click here.

Cheryl Richardson has many interesting, uplifting and informative Podcasts (audio talks and interviews) online to listen to and can be found at Cheryl Richardson.com community click here.

This Christmas - celebrate in a new way - remember - you - are the greatest gift

2010-11-26T23:05:00.000-08:00

This Christmas what about celebrating in a way you never have before?

Do you get stressed about presents and what you are buying? Well, stop worrying about what the reaction is from the person you are giving to, and instead think of the wishes that you hold in your heart for that person. If it is love and caring, include a beautiful little heart - the one pictured here was picked up at a local beach, write a message to go with it. One shop we have in our town sells carved hearts starting at $6, but you could also cut up some fabric in the shape of a heart.

One of the best Christmasses we ever had was a Christmas in July. Only one present was to be brought along - something that you had that you held dear, and it was to be given with a message. When it was time to collect a present, we all received a treasure. I received a beautiful shell that held meaning for the person who gave it. It was touching at what people brought with them to give.

My husband's family all had a Christmas draw. All the names went into a hat, you pulled out one name, and that is the only gift you had to buy. A price was set so you didn't have to spend a fortune, and everyone received a treat. One year we all decided to shop in The Salvos, so that the charity received the money, and the price was set at under $10. The person who bought the best present for the cheapest, got a prize - a loud cheer!!

This Christmas we are repainting old baubles and gluing glitter on them. I currently have orange glitter all over my family room, and my husband has told me it's even downstairs out the back. I love glitter, it's great all sparkly and fun. We are decorating our tree in a way we never have before in brightly coloured orange, hot pinks and golden yellows. All old baubles renewed, and the tree looks very delightful.

But remember the most important thing you can do for your family at Christmas is to be there. You are the most beautiful gift, and things are very secondary.

Anxiety Free Gift Giving

2010-11-25T13:26:00.000-08:00

Here's another Winner's Circle Network with Lou Tice - 11/24/10 - "Anxiety-Free Gift-Giving"

I hope that you have given some thought to those pet peeves that drive you crazy during the holidays, and have created your own interventions to alleviate the stress and tension. In fact, when you have a moment, I'd love to hear about some of them. We are a community, you and I, and I'd like to pass along your good ideas!

One of the biggest anxiety-producing events of any holiday season is Shopping For Gifts. "What am I gonna get.?" "How am I gonna find.?" "The store is only open when?!?!" and the ever popular, "What if they already have.?" All in search of the impossible - the "perfect" gift.

I hear, "I don't have enough money," or "There just isn't enough time," even with the power of internet ordering, I still hear, "It won't get here in time." And then there is the ever-popular, "What if?" usually ending in "it's not good enough."

I watch people put tremendous pressure on themselves, agonizing over "the gift list." Little kids are easy, because a lot of them have their "Dear Santa" letters ready in October. And have you noticed that, by and large, little children don't agonize over what to give Mom and Dad. They know what they want to give, and as parents, I know that our hearts have melted over the precious hand-print in clay, the glittered candles, or the handmade card that says, "I Love You, Mommy and Daddy."

Perhaps it is time to remind ourselves of our "littler" selves. Put aside the expectations and the stress, and remember that it is the time devoted, the intentions and the love involved that make any gift truly special. When all is said and done, it won't be the gift that is remembered. It will be those moments of true connection with loved ones that live in our hearts and minds forever.

Lou Tice
The Pacific Institute
www.thepacificinstitute.com

the season for stress? change your thoughts change your christmas

2010-11-23T13:37:00.000-08:00

From Lou Tice - newsletter

This week, at least here in the United States, marks the beginning of the holiday season. And for some of us, it becomes the "season of stress and tension." The good news is it doesn't have to be.

Today, let's talk a little bit about how we perceive holidays, regardless of where they land on the calendar. For most of the world, upcoming holidays signal a lot of preparation - to get home, to physically connect with family and friends we haven't seen in a long while, the food, the weather, the endless lines/queues, and on and on.

When we look at these events, and all the effort that goes into making them happen, it would be easy to slip into panic mode. "How do we get there?" "When am I going to have the time to get the grocery shopping done?" "The timing has to be perfect, or we'll miss the plane!" "What on earth am I going to get for presents?!?!?" Do you recognize anyone you know in these sentences?

With all the "how's" and "have to's", we get ourselves tied up in knots - literally and figuratively. Every traffic tie-up becomes a crisis. Finding a parking place becomes the ultimate in gladiatorial combat. "To do" lists grow lists of their own. We seem to lose our ability to make even the simplest of decisions. Headaches ensue. At its worst, all some of us want to do is pull the covers over our heads, and avoid the holidays altogether.

So, how do we get past the stress and tension? I want to talk more about this tomorrow. In the meantime, give some thought to those stress points that cause you tension during the holidays. Ask yourself "why" they do. This is a little self-reflection exercise that may uncover some "old tapes" you can throw out. Talk

Lou Tice
www.thepacificinstitute.com

I think of life as a wonderful play

2010-11-19T12:08:00.001-08:00

"I think of life itself now as a wonderful play I have written for myself, and so my purpose is to have the utmost fun, playing my part." Shirley MacLaine

2010-11-14T23:46:00.000-08:00

You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Wayne W. Dyer

I am FEAR

2010-11-09T15:36:00.000-08:00

If you are interested in reading more and learning how to work with your mind and emotions, I can't think of a better person to refer you to than Lou Tice. I receive his newsletter regularly and I share here, one I received this one this morning from - The Pacific Institute.com it's easy to join up to receive the newsletter, and they are all gems.

Best of the Winner's Circle Network with Lou Tice - 11/9/10 - "I Am Fear"
What are you afraid of, and what does it cost you? Today, I want you to read one of the best descriptions of fear I have ever heard. I don't know where I got this quote originally, but it is one of the best definitions I know, and it seems to be appropriate for the world in which we are living:

"I am Fear. I am the menace that lurks in the paths of life, never visible to the eye but sharply felt in the heart. I am the father of despair, the brother of procrastination, the enemy of progress, the tool of tyranny. Born of ignorance and nursed on misguided thought, I have darkened more hopes, stifled more ambitions, shattered more ideals and prevented more accomplishments than history could record.

"Like the changing chameleon, I assume many disguises. I masquerade as caution. I am sometimes known as doubt or worry. But whatever I'm called, I am still fear, the obstacle of achievement.

"I know no master but one; its name is Understanding. I have no power but what the human mind gives me, and I vanish completely when the light of Understanding reveals the facts as they really are, for I am really nothing."

You see, if you have the courage to acknowledge your fears, you will be taking the first step toward controlling them instead of them controlling you. And if you take the next step toward understanding, you will be able to move past them to empathy, perhaps even to love.

Lou Tice
The Pacific Institute.com
The effects of The Pacific Institute's education are reverberating around the world. For weekly updates, go to TPI Global News.com

communication techniques 'I' statements

2010-10-18T23:03:00.000-07:00

An easy technique in communication is to use 'I' statements in your communications not only with your partner, but everyone you are communicating with. People who use 'I' statements take responsibility for their feelings and behaviours. People who use 'you' statements, can be perceived as blaming and judgemental.

When you are next in a conversation and about to start a sentence with 'you' - replace it with an I, and share from your perspective. For example; instead of... you did well today, replace 'you' with 'I' then what you have noticed... for example; 'I' appreciate all the work you have put in. When you tell people 'you' it can seem as though you are being superior to them.

'I' statements also share more of your inner world with the other person, and can help them to understand what you are experiencing.

For more information: read People Skills by Robert Bolton

i love you

2010-10-15T20:34:00.000-07:00

You really shouldn't say "I love you" unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.
Author unknown, attributed to an 8-year-old named Jessica

2010-10-07T02:25:00.001-07:00

neediness in relationships

2010-10-05T14:13:00.000-07:00

In counselling sessions I watch couples attempting to reconcile in their relationships. Often the partner that is the one 'trying' to get back together, is the one that succeeds - not in getting back together, but pushing the other partner away - by neediness. They realise that they have done the wrong thing or said the wrong thing,haven't been there for the other person, and now they will do anything to set 'the wrong' right. The only trouble with that is, the willingness to do anything after so long not doing... well it can seem false, and the neediness and clinging that goes along with the behaviour, feels claustrophobic to the person on the receiving end.

If your partner agrees to see you and you go out after being separated - do so like you are going out on a first date, enjoy yourself, enjoy your partner, enjoy the place you are in or the activity you are expereincing. Don't plead and beg, and remind them of how wonderful it used to be. How it used to be, got you separated, it needs to be different this time. Let your partner have some space, allow them to initiate contact, they may just find out in time, what a great person you really are.

Behave your way to success.

Keep active

2010-09-28T15:31:00.000-07:00

Here is a snippet from Beyond Blue
Exercise is important for maintaining both good physical health and mental health.

Start small and build up slowly - If a person is going through a period of depression, they may have difficulty with simple things such as getting up and getting dressed in the morning. Don't try to do too much too early. It's a good idea to start with easy activities and slowly build on them.

Include other people - When people don't feel like doing much, planning social outings/activities can help them get moving. If the person doesn't have an established social network, they could consider joining a local club or group.

Don't be too hard on yourself - A plan is only a rough guide that should be flexible. If an activity runs overtime or can't be completed, skip it and move onto the next one.

Reward yourself - Allow time to do enjoyable, interesting, relaxing and satisfying activities. Some cheap, entertaining and easy pass-times include reading, listening to music, watching movies, gardening, going to the beach or park, taking part in sporting or creative activities, shopping, seeing friends and playing with pets.

all the advice you ever gave

2010-09-26T22:18:00.000-07:00

"all the advice you ever gave your partner is for you to hear" Byron Katie

Drawing Mandalas

2010-09-24T18:53:00.000-07:00

"When I began drawing the mandalas, I saw that everything, all paths I had been following all the steps I had taken were leading back to a single point - namely, to the midpoint. It became increasingly plain to me that the mandala is the centre. It is the exponent of all paths. It is the path to the centre, to individuation." Carl Jung

creating and interpreting mandalas

2010-09-23T17:35:00.000-07:00

How to create and interpret mandalas a youtube video with Susanne Fincher
click here for Susanne's website Creating Mandalas.

Mandala - Labyrinth

2010-09-23T17:29:00.000-07:00

This is the Labyrinth Mandala that I did when working through Susanne Fincher's book Creating Mandalas.

understanding a negative emotion

2010-09-23T14:45:00.000-07:00

Tree Mandala Mosaic in the pavement outside the Great Northern Hotel Byron Bay

'A clear understanding of a negative emotion dismisses it.' Vernon Howard

Our emotions are the ways that our body gives us information on what we have been thinking. Byron Katie explains our thinking this way... our bodies breathe naturally and by themselves - we don't have to consciously control our breathing by saying to ourselves 'breathe in and breathe out'... and our thinking is very similar. Our brains simply think thoughts, and then the result of thinking a thought ends up in our emotions. Thinking a happy thought results in our body reacting to that thought, thinking a negative thought results in our body reacting to that thought.

To experience this for yourself try the following exercise, take a few moments for each, after you have read the exercise close your eyes and allow yourself to think the thought -

Think of something that makes you happy - now what is the reaction in your body?

Think of somewhere you find relaxing - now what is the reaction in your body?

Think a stressful thought like being in a queue waiting for the cash register in a busy store, and only one person on the till - now what is the reaction in your body?

Your reaction to the stressful thought will depend on how you process the thought, if you think, 'well this person only has one pair of arms, and I can wait peacefully, maybe take time to deep breathe and have a relax before continuing my shopping' you will have a different emotion and reaction in your body, than if you think, 'this is frustrating, this is ridiculous, why doesn't this store put on more staff - they make so much money I am really getting angry' and so you can imagine the difference in the body - the blood pressure is starting to rise, teeth are probably getting clenched, agitation is starting.

Now breathe in and breathe out a few times and let go of that exercise - take time to think of somewhere you love to go in nature, imagine yourself in that space for a while and relax there.

When experiencing a negative emotion, Byron Katie suggests, we ask the mind 'is that true?' and then if the answer is yes to ask again 'is that really true, can I be absolutely sure it is true?' questioning helps the mind to face the negative emotion, understand it, find information from it, and then release it. There are a few more parts to Byron Katie's The Work that helps you to understand the negative thought process.

For more information on Byron Katie's work go to: The Work.com

frustration

2010-09-22T19:01:00.000-07:00

The message of frustration is an exciting signal. it means that your brain beleives you could be doing better than you currently are.

Anthony Robbins

commitment to life

2010-09-21T17:58:00.000-07:00

“I believe life is constantly testing us for our level of commitment, and life's greatest rewards are reserved for those who demonstrate a never-ending commitment to act until they achieve. This level of resolve can move mountains, but it must be constant and consistent. As simplistic as this may sound, it is still the common denominator separating those who live their dreams from those who live in regret.”
Anthony Robbins

art journalling - you tube video

2010-09-19T16:58:00.000-07:00

Bring some fun and colour into your journalling with art, stamps, old newspapers, here's a video from you tube for inspiration...

accept your anxiety and watch it diminish

2010-09-19T15:11:00.000-07:00

The following is from an article by by Paul Coleman, Psy.D.
To read the full article go to:
www.stresscenter.com

The Effects of Accepting Anxiety
What if instead you could emotionally accept that you’re feeling anxious? Emotional acceptance does not mean you like it; it means that you will not emotionally oppose the reality of the anxiety you feel in that moment. Using a different example, imagine that you discover your tire is almost flat. You can emotionally accept the situation and arrange to fix it, or you can emotionally oppose the situation (get upset, angry, frantic, and so on) and arrange to fix it. Which is better?

getting even

2010-09-18T17:11:00.000-07:00

The only people with whom you should try to get even are those who have helped you. John E. Southard

Remembering Sept 11

2010-09-10T23:32:00.000-07:00

"Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future." Paul Boese

at this moment

2010-09-01T22:46:00.001-07:00

At this very moment, you may be saying to yourself that you have any number of admirable qualities. You are a loyal friend, a caring person, someone who is smart, dependable, fun to be around. That's wonderful, and I'm happy for you, but let me ask you this: are you being any of those things to yourself?

Phillip C. McGraw

Self respect

2010-08-31T23:30:00.001-07:00

Self-respect cannot be hunted. It cannot be purchased. It is never for sale. It cannot be fabricated out of public relations. It comes to us when we are alone, in quiet moments, in quiet places, when we suddenly realize that, knowing the good, we have done it; knowing the beautiful, we have served it; knowing the truth we have spoken it.

Whitney Griswold

Act as if what you do makes a difference

2010-06-07T21:59:00.000-07:00

"Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does." - William James