Money - how's your relationship to it?

Money can be one area that really poses problems for people and for their relationships. Have you noticed that money has been an issue for you? If you are in a partnership - are you one of those rare couples who have been able to work out their money together? Work together to plan and save or spend on an equal footing?

Who earns the most money can be one issue, sometimes in relationship one of the partners may like to spend, spend, spend, while the other is left to juggle payments and try to keep the finances afloat. It takes two in relationship to consider what money means, to work towards common goals. We can easily fall into parent/child dynamics easily around money.

You see if money were just money we wouldn't really have the problems we do with it. Money is also a symbol - and it can stand for love, joy, power and control. If it were only 'money' our problems would be easily solved. To understand issues that we experience as adults, it can be very helpful to revisit our family of origin. The attitudes that our parents had about money shaped our beliefs and attitudes.

Thinking back to your family...

Was money used to show love?

Was money used to control another person's behaviour?

Was money saved?

Was money spent freely?

Did money cause great concern?

Was it a topic that you heard talked about regularly?

Was money used to change emotions? Retail therapy?

Thinking of your present day life...

Do you use money to change your emotions?

Do you earn 'enough'?

What would be 'enough'?

Do you have a spending plan?

Do you give money to charity?

If you find that money issues are a regular 'problem' it could be that money is tied up with issues around power, love and control. Looking at the issues around money and facing them, you start to get insights around what is driving your spending or saving. You can take control once you can sort out the difference between feelings and facts around money. It can be helpful to have a counselor work with you to start to learn how to identify the issues around money so that you can move into a successful way of handling your money life.

© Kareen Fellows

Reacting in Anger

How often do you get angry? Do you know what sets you off? Do you remember what you were taught about anger when you were growing up? Were you taught that it was unacceptable to feel angry? Did you learn to suppress angry feelings and stuff them down inside? Or were you taught, perhaps by example, that it was OK to explode with anger and attack others, verbally or physically? Or were you fortunate enough to learn that while it's OK to feel angry, it's not OK to hurt others, and it's not OK to blame them for how you feel? If you were taught to take responsibility for your emotions, to communicate feelings calmly and clearly, and to value both your own and other people's rights, you probably don't have much trouble with anger. Now the reason we just asked you what you were taught, while you were growing up, is that anger very seldom has anything to do with what is happening right now, because there are so many other ways to respond. People with high self-esteem aren't interested in blaming others for things that go wrong. Instead, they accept accountability for their lives and know that if things outside them are to change, they must first change internally. For people with high self-esteem, change in themselves or in others isn't threatening to them. They embrace change because they believe they can handle it. So if you find yourself feeling a lot of anger, perhaps some work on your self-esteem is in order. The Pacific Institute www.thepacificinstitute.com

Improving your Relationship

Winner's Circle Network with Lou Tice - 12/8/11 - "Improving Your Relationship"


What can you do when you want to improve your marriage or close relationship, but your significant other seems to be content with the way things are?

Marriage or other close relationships offer us unique opportunities to grow. Sometimes, though, conflict arises when partners in romantic relationships have different visions of what the relationship should be like and different ideas about the direction it should take.

If you think your close relationship could use some work but your partner doesn't, what do you do? Well, for starters, you don't start blaming them for disagreeing with you and don't assume that there is something wrong with you. What you can do, instead, is share your visions with each other. Can you describe, as specifically as possible, without blaming or judging, just how you see the problem?

Sometimes professional couples counseling can be a great help in opening faulty lines of communication. But whether you decide to get help or not, make sure you stay focused on a vision of how the relationship will look when it is fixed, and maintain a non-blaming, non-judgmental attitude throughout.

Remember that disagreement doesn't have to mean someone is wrong, and conflict can lead to greater harmony if it is handled properly.

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The Pacific Institute, Inc.

www.thepacificinstitute.com

The Intuitive Mind

The Intuitive Mind is a sacred gift, and the rational mind is a faithful servant.
Albert Einstein.

The Divided Brain

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFs9WO2B8uI&feature=player_embedded

Thinking about giving up on your dream?

Did you know that... Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper editor because "he lacked imagination and had no good ideas." He went bankrupt several times before he built Disneyland. In fact, the proposed park was rejected by the city of Anaheim on the grounds that it would only attract riff raff.

So if you're thinking about giving up on your dream, think of Walt Disney.