Somatic Experiencing & the Butterfly Hug: A Simple Guide to Calming Your Nervous System

Somatic Experiencing, developed by Peter Levine, is a body-oriented approach to healing stress, anxiety and trauma that focuses on restoring the nervous system’s natural capacity for regulation.

Rather than revisiting stressful or traumatic memories in detail, it gently guides individuals to tune into physical sensations—like tension, warmth, or movement—helping the body safely release stored survival energy.

By working in small, manageable steps, this method supports a sense of safety and resilience, allowing people to reconnect with their bodies and move out of chronic stress responses into a state of greater balance and ease.

The Butterfly Tapping Technique is a self-soothing method that uses rhythmic, alternating tapping on the chest to calm the nervous system.

It helps manage anxiety, stress, and trauma by facilitating bilateral stimulation (see below), which fosters relaxation and grounding.

How to Perform the Butterfly Tapping Technique:

Position: Sit comfortably and cross your arms over your chest.

Clasp your thumbs together to form a butterfly shape with your hands resting on your chest just under your collarbone.

Tap Alternately: Gently tap your chest with your hands, alternating left and right in a slow, rhythmic movement (like butterfly wings).

If that position is not comfortable, then tap your shoulders alternately.

Breathe: Take slow, deep breaths, and observe your thoughts and sensations without judgment.

Duration: Continue for a few minutes until you feel a sense of calm.

Key Benefits and Uses:

Reduces Acute Stress: It is an effective technique to reduce anxiety and panic attacks. Grounding: It helps with grounding when feeling overwhelmed.

Bilateral Stimulation: The technique engages both sides of the brain, aiding in emotional processing and reducing fear responses.

Self-Soothing: It is a valuable self-care tool to relax the body, often used for trauma recovery.

If you'd like to you can give yourself an affirmation as you do it.

What is Bilateral Stimulation?

Bilateral stimulation is a therapeutic technique used to help the brain process and reduce emotional intensity. This simple, self-soothing motion can help regulate the nervous system, making overwhelming feelings feel more manageable and supporting the brain’s natural ability to process distressing experiences.

Book today for a session.

The Foundations of a Lasting Relationship

Building a lasting relationship is not just about love — it’s about creating an environment where both people feel safe, valued, and connected. Relationships thrive when certain key ingredients are present and continually nurtured. Below are some of the most essential foundations for a strong, enduring bond.

1. Safety

Emotional and physical safety form the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. When we feel safe, we can express our thoughts and feelings honestly without fear of judgment or retaliation.

Safety allows vulnerability — the space to be your true self. This kind of security grows through consistency, kindness, and dependable behaviour over time.

2. Trust

Trust is built through small, everyday actions that demonstrate reliability and integrity. It’s about keeping promises, showing up when you say you will, and communicating openly.

Trust doesn’t happen instantly; it develops gradually and deepens when both partners act with honesty and accountability.

3. Appreciation

Feeling appreciated is one of the simplest yet most powerful ways to strengthen connection. Expressing gratitude — for your partner’s efforts, presence, and unique qualities — reminds both of you of the value you bring to each other’s lives. A small “thank you,” a warm smile, or a thoughtful gesture can make a big difference in keeping love alive.

4. Respect

Respect is about recognising your partner as an individual with their own thoughts, needs, and dreams. It means listening without dismissing, speaking without contempt, and allowing differences without trying to control or change the other person.

Mutual respect creates an atmosphere of equality where both partners feel heard and valued.

5. Validation

We all want to feel that our experiences and emotions matter. Validation doesn’t mean agreeing with everything your partner says; it means acknowledging their feelings as real and understandable. A simple, “I can see why you’d feel that way,” can ease tension and build emotional closeness.

6. Encouragement

In a supportive relationship, partners cheer each other on through life’s challenges and transitions. Encouragement involves believing in each other’s potential and offering reassurance during difficult times.

It’s the gentle push that says, “I’m here with you — you can do this.”

7. Dedication

Long-lasting relationships require ongoing commitment. Dedication means showing up even when it’s hard, continuing to nurture the connection, and growing together through life’s inevitable changes.

It’s not about perfection but about choosing each other — again and again — with care and intention.

In Closing

A lasting relationship is not built overnight; it’s a living, evolving process that depends on safety, trust, appreciation, respect, validation, encouragement, and dedication.

When both partners invest in these qualities, love becomes not just a feeling but a steady foundation for life together.

Book today for a session.

Keywords: #lastingrelationship #trust #safety #appreciation #respect #validation #encouragement #relationshipcounselling #healthyrelationships

Journalling For Insight

The Healing Power of Journalling: Writing Your Way to Clarity and Growth

In our fast-paced, often overwhelming world, finding a quiet moment to listen to our inner voice can be challenging. Journalling offers a simple yet profound way to slow down, reflect, and reconnect with ourselves. It’s not just about recording daily events — it’s about exploring our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in a safe and private space.

Why Journalling Works

Writing by hand helps us tap into deeper levels of awareness. When we translate our thoughts and emotions into words, we give shape to what might otherwise remain unspoken or confusing. This process allows us to release emotional tension, make sense of experiences, and cultivate self-understanding.

As author and teacher Christina Baldwin describes in her book Life’s Companion: Journal Writing as a Spiritual Quest, the act of journalling is “a conversation with the soul.” Baldwin views journalling as a spiritual and psychological tool — a way to witness our inner journey, discover meaning, and nurture personal growth. She reminds us that our journals are not about perfect writing, but honest reflection.

Julia Cameron’s Morning Pages

Another influential voice in the journalling world is Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way. Cameron encourages a daily writing practice she calls Morning Pages — three pages of longhand, stream-of-consciousness writing first thing each morning.

Morning Pages are not meant to be read, judged, or shared. They are a mental and emotional clearing — a place to pour out worries, ideas, frustrations, and hopes. As Cameron explains, this practice “retrieves your creativity,” helping you uncover insights and patterns that lie just beneath the surface of your conscious mind.

For many people, this daily ritual becomes a grounding practice — a way to check in with themselves before the day begins.

Journalling in Counselling and Personal Growth

In counselling, journalling can be a powerful complement to therapy sessions. It allows clients to continue exploring themes that arise in therapy, track emotional changes over time, and notice repeating patterns in thoughts or behaviour. Writing can also strengthen self-compassion by helping us recognise our struggles with gentleness and curiosity.

Here are a few journalling prompts you might try:

• What emotion am I feeling most strongly today, and what might it be telling me?
• When do I feel most at peace?
• What am I avoiding, and what would it mean to face it with kindness?
• What would I like to say to my younger self?

A Practice of Self-Compassion

Whether you use Baldwin’s reflective journalling style or Cameron’s Morning Pages, the essence of journalling is self-connection. It’s not about being productive or writing beautifully — it’s about showing up for yourself with honesty and care.

Over time, journalling can become a trusted companion — a space where you can express, process, and heal. For a session with me on journalling - Phone / Text / WhatsApp: 0408 792 747

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5 Tips to Cultivate Deep Listening

In a world full of distractions, truly listening to another person has become a rare and powerful act. Deep listening goes beyond hearing the words — it’s about being fully present with another person, open to understanding their feelings, experiences, and needs. Whether in relationships, work, or daily conversations, learning to listen deeply helps build trust, empathy, and connection.

Here are five ways you can begin cultivating deep listening in your everyday life.

1. Be Fully Present

Deep listening starts with presence. When you’re distracted — thinking about what to say next or glancing at your phone — it sends a message that the other person’s words aren’t a priority. Try to pause, take a breath, and give your full attention. Notice their tone, body language, and emotions as much as their words. Presence is one of the greatest gifts you can offer.

2. Listen to Understand, Not to Respond

Often, we listen with the intent to reply, to fix, or to share our own experiences. Deep listening asks us to do the opposite — to listen simply to understand. When someone shares something important, try responding with curiosity: “That sounds really hard — can you tell me more about that?” This invites deeper sharing and helps the speaker feel truly seen and heard.

3. Notice What’s Not Being Said

Sometimes what’s unsaid carries just as much meaning as the words spoken. Notice pauses, changes in tone, or moments where the person seems to pull back. These subtle cues can reveal feelings like fear, sadness, or uncertainty. Gentle questions such as, “I noticed you hesitated — is there more you’d like to share?” can create space for deeper honesty.

4. Manage Your Own Inner Dialogue

It’s normal for your mind to wander or form judgments while someone is speaking. Part of deep listening is learning to quiet that inner chatter. When you catch yourself thinking, “I know exactly what they mean,” or, “That reminds me of…,” gently bring your focus back. Remember: the conversation is about understanding their world, not your own.

5. Respond with Empathy and Reflection

After listening, reflect back what you’ve heard — not by parroting words, but by showing genuine understanding. You might say, “It sounds like you’ve been feeling overwhelmed and unsure where to start,” or “You seem really proud of how you handled that.” Reflecting emotions helps people feel validated and understood — and that’s often where healing begins.

Final Thoughts

Deep listening is a skill that takes patience and practice, but it transforms the way we relate to others — and to ourselves. The next time someone speaks to you, try to listen as if their words are the most important thing in the world for that moment. You may be surprised by how much connection can grow from simply being present.

To get in touch - phone or text for an online session - 0408 792 747

Belief Systems

Understanding Core Belief Systems: The Hidden Stories That Shape Our Lives

Have you ever wondered why certain patterns seem to repeat in your life — the same kinds of relationships, reactions, or fears that seem to show up no matter how much you try to change? Often, the answer lies deep within our core belief systems.

What Are Core Beliefs?

Core beliefs are the deeply held ideas we have about ourselves, others, and the world. They form early in life, shaped by our upbringing, relationships, culture, and personal experiences. These beliefs act like an internal lens — colouring how we interpret what happens around us.

For example:

Someone who grew up feeling unseen might carry a core belief of “I’m not important.”

A person who experienced inconsistency or abandonment might believe “People always leave.”

Others might hold positive, empowering beliefs like “I can handle challenges” or “I am lovable.”

These belief systems can be helpful or limiting, and most of us have a mix of both.

How Core Beliefs Affect Daily Life

Because core beliefs sit so deep in the subconscious, they often influence us without our awareness. They affect how we interpret situations, the partners we choose, our emotional reactions, and even how we treat ourselves.

For example, if your core belief is “I’m not good enough,” you might:

Overwork to prove your worth.

Avoid new opportunities for fear of failing.

Struggle to accept compliments or kindness.

These patterns can be exhausting — and they can quietly reinforce the very belief that’s causing the pain.

How Counselling Helps

I create a safe and compassionate space to explore these hidden beliefs.

Identify patterns in your thoughts, emotions, and relationships.

Trace them back to the core beliefs that may be driving them.

Test whether those beliefs are truly accurate or still serving you today.

Develop new, healthier ways of thinking and responding.

Over time, many people find themselves moving from “I’m not enough” toward “I am worthy and capable.”

This shift doesn’t happen overnight, but it can be deeply healing and life-changing.

Moving Forward

Becoming aware of your belief systems is the first step toward change. Start noticing your inner dialogue — the stories you tell yourself about who you are and what you deserve. Ask yourself:

“Is this belief true — or is it an old story I can now let go of?”

When we begin to question and reshape our core beliefs, we open up space for compassion, confidence, and growth.

You are allowed to rewrite your story — one belief at a time.

If you feel like "I am not enough" is one of your core beliefs, I invite you to copy this image and paste somewhere you will see it everyday.

🌿 Journal Exercise: Exploring Your Core Beliefs

If you would like to... here is an exercise for you to journal.

Purpose:

Our core beliefs are the deep, often unconscious ideas we hold about ourselves, others, and the world. They shape how we see life, interpret experiences, and respond to challenges. This exercise will help you uncover some of your core beliefs and begin reflecting on whether they truly serve and support you today.

Start with Self-Reflection

Find a quiet space and take a few slow, deep breaths.

Ask yourself:

What do I believe to be true about myself?

What do I believe about other people?

What do I believe about the world or life in general?

Write freely for 5–10 minutes without censoring yourself. Don’t worry if your answers sound messy, contradictory, or uncertain — just notice what comes up.

The next part of this exercise is to challenge the limiting beliefs, if you would like to work through this journal exercise with me in a session, please call or text - 0408 792 747

The Drama Triangle: How It Plays Out in Relationships and at Work

In both our personal lives and professional settings, conflict often follows familiar patterns. One powerful tool for understanding these patterns is Stephen Karpman’s Drama Triangle. It highlights three roles that people may unconsciously step into when tension rises: Victim, Rescuer, and Persecutor.

The Three Roles

Victim Feels powerless, helpless, or unfairly treated. Often seeks someone to “fix” the situation or to blame for their distress.

Rescuer Rushes in to help, fix, or save others — sometimes without being asked. While it may look generous, it can actually reinforce dependency and prevent true problem-solving.

Persecutor Criticises, blames, or controls others. This role tends to use power aggressively, leaving others feeling diminished or stuck.

It’s important to remember that these are roles, not identities. People can shift between them quickly, depending on the situation.

In Relationships

In intimate or family relationships, the Drama Triangle can create cycles of conflict and disconnection. For example:

A partner may feel unheard (Victim), while the other becomes critical (Persecutor).

Another family member might step in to calm things down (Rescuer), but ends up feeling exhausted or resentful.

Over time, these patterns erode trust and intimacy. Instead of fostering healthy communication, the relationship becomes defined by blame, over-functioning, or withdrawal.

In the Workplace

The same dynamics often appear at work:

An employee feels overworked and unsupported (Victim).

A manager criticises their performance without offering guidance (Persecutor).

A colleague steps in to help but takes on too much themselves (Rescuer).

This cycle can damage team morale, fuel burnout, and prevent real solutions from emerging.

Breaking Free from the Triangle

The good news is that awareness is the first step out of the Drama Triangle. Once we notice these roles, we can choose healthier alternatives:

Move from Victim to Creator — focusing on choices and what’s within your control.

Shift from Rescuer to Coach — supporting others without taking over.

Transform from Persecutor to Challenger — offering honest feedback respectfully.

By stepping out of the Drama Triangle, both relationships and workplaces can move toward more empowering and collaborative dynamics.

✨ Takeaway: The Drama Triangle shows us how easy it is to get stuck in unhelpful patterns. But with awareness and practice, we can create healthier ways of relating that bring more connection, respect, and growth — whether at home or at work.

✨ Journal Exercise: Reflect back on all the moments of the day that stand out. What role did you take? Did you find yourself in Rescuer, Victim, Persecutor? Or Creator, Coach or Challenger?

For an online session exploring the Drama Triangle, call or text: 0408 792 747

Riding the Waves of Life and Love

🌊 "You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn how to surf.” Jon Kabat-Zinn 🌊

Jon Kabat-Zinn is an American professor emeritus and is the creator of the MBSR - Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction.

Mindfulness isn’t about controlling what happens, it’s about learning how to meet each moment with presence, steadiness, and compassion. 💙

Life will always bring its waves — challenges, emotions, relationship challenges, and change. We can’t stop them from coming, but we can learn to ride them with awareness and balance. 🏄‍♀️

We can’t always control what arises, whether it’s a partner’s mood, a loved one’s reaction, or the tide of our own stress and sadness.

But mindfulness teaches us that we don’t need to control the ocean. What we can do is learn how to ride it.

In relationships, this might mean noticing when tension rises and choosing to respond with patience rather than react with anger.

It might mean allowing a partner’s emotions to exist without feeling we have to fix them.

In our inner world, learning to “surf” means practicing awareness—acknowledging feelings of anxiety, grief, or frustration without being pulled under by them.

By staying present, breathing, and grounding ourselves, we allow emotions to pass like waves, rather than fighting against them.

Mindfulness is not about avoiding difficulty, but about finding balance and flow within it.

With practice, each wave becomes less of a threat and more of an opportunity to deepen our resilience, compassion, and connection.

💙 Next time the waves rise, pause. Notice. Breathe.

And gently remind yourself: You are learning how to surf.

To learn more in a session, call or text: 0408 792 747