Steven Bartlett Interviewing The Gottmans

Drs. John and Julie Gottman are world leading relationship researchers that have been studying couples for over 40 years, publishing over 200 academic journal articles and 46 books. They are the co-founders of The Gottman Institute and Love Lab. In this interview Steven Bartlett on his Diary of a CEO podcast produces one of the best talks that I have heard in a long time with Dr's Julie and John Gottman.

I loved this question at the end of the podcast: "If you could go back to the day you were born, what advice would you give your parents?"

Kareen studied with The Gottman Method and offers relationship sessions for couples and individuals. Sessions are held via Skype call today: 0408 792 747 for more information.

Compliments and Critcisms

I smiled when I read this meme on Instagram, but then I realised it contains so much to think about. The quote is by Jonathan Edward Durham @thisOneoverhere on Instagram.

I was talking with a client about compliments this week and they mentioned that they were very uncomfortable with compliments.

How are you at handling compliments? Is it easy for you? Or do you struggle with hearing positive feedback? All you need to do when someone compliments you is to say, 'thank you'.

The Gottman relationship experts suggest we turn complaints or criticism into requests in our relationships. Next time you are tempted to criticise someone, notice it, and switch to a request instead.

If you are in the receiving end of a complaint, try reframing that - often what the person was needing was the opposite.

In my family my brother complained that I never remembered one of his anniversaries. So the next year I made an entry in my diary to connect with him in that day. He said he was really grateful and we ended up closer because of me reaching out on that day.

Often the longing for connection is hidden in criticism.

So your challenge, should you choose to accept it... see if you can say 'thank you' to a compliment, and see if you can find the longing in the criticism.

Journalling Prompt:

Compliments:

In your journal, explore compliments, write about how you felt in the moment, and how you responded. If you'd like to create an art journal maybe you could find some words to cut out in a magazine, that describes your feelings. Use a circle in the centre of the page and draw colours or shapes and write around the edge.

Criticisms:

In your journal notice when you criticise, are you actually really wanting something that is hidden behind the criticism? Can you tell what it is?

To Move or Not to Move oh the questions...

There are a lot of things to consider when you move, and it can help to have a third party to listen to all your thoughts and concers.. If you'd like to have a session to explore this, simply send me a text and we'll arrange a time that suits.

Steps to help you decide whether to move house.

Deciding whether to move or not is a significant life decision and can be influenced by a variety of factors. Here are some steps to help you make an informed decision:

1. Clarify Your Reasons: Start by understanding why you are considering a move. Is it for a new job opportunity, to be closer to family, for a change of scenery, or other reasons? Knowing your motivations will help you evaluate the move more effectively.

2. Evaluate Your Current Situation: Take a close look at your current circumstances. Assess your job, living situation, social network, and overall quality of life. Are there specific aspects of your current life that you're unhappy with and believe a move might improve?

3. Research the Destination: If you have a specific location in mind, research it thoroughly. Consider factors like cost of living, job market, climate, education, healthcare, and overall quality of life. Visit the place if possible to get a feel for it.

4. Career and Financial Considerations: If your move is job-related, evaluate the potential job prospects, salary, and career growth opportunities in the new location. Will the move enhance your career or financial stability?

5. Personal and Family Considerations: Consider how the move will impact your personal life and family. Will it bring you closer to loved ones or separate you from them? Discuss the decision with family members if it affects them as well.

6. Pros and Cons List: Create a list of pros and cons for the move. Be thorough and objective in your assessment. This can help you visualize the potential benefits and drawbacks.

7. Financial Preparation: Moving can be expensive. Create a budget that includes moving costs, housing expenses, and any other financial obligations associated with the move. Ensure you have a financial safety net in place.

8. Timeline: Consider the timing of the move. Are there any time-sensitive factors that might influence your decision, such as a job offer or family needs?

9. Plan for the Unexpected: Be prepared for unforeseen challenges or setbacks. Have a contingency plan in case things don't go as expected.

10. Seek Advice: Talk to friends, family, or mentors who have experience with moving or who know you well. They can provide valuable insights and a different perspective.

11. Trust Your Instincts: Ultimately, trust your gut feeling. Sometimes, your intuition can guide you in making the right decision.

12. Visualize the Future: Try to imagine yourself living in the new location. How do you feel about it? Does it align with your long-term goals and values?

13. Make a Decision: After considering all the relevant factors, make a decision. Remember that no decision is entirely risk-free, so it's essential to weigh the pros and cons and commit to your choice.

14. Plan Carefully: If you decide to move, plan the logistics carefully. Ensure you have a well-thought-out moving plan and support in place.

15. Embrace Change: Moving can be a significant life change. Be open to new experiences and adaptability as you settle into your new location.

Remember that the decision to move is highly personal, and what's right for one person may not be right for another. Take your time, do your research, and choose the option that aligns best with your goals and values.

#Steps to help you decide whether to move house #moving house

Tips to help - Embrace Neurodiversity in Relationships

Today, I want to shed some light on a topic that's close to my heart: neurodiversity in relationships.

We all bring our unique strengths and quirks into our partnerships, and sometimes these differences include neurodivergent traits. Whether you or your partner are on the autism spectrum, have ADHD, or any other neurodivergent identity, it's important to remember that these differences can add depth, richness, and new perspectives to your relationship. Here are a few tips on how to navigate and thrive in neurodiverse relationships:

  • Communication is Key: Open and honest communication is the foundation of any strong relationship. Take the time to understand each other's communication styles and preferences. Be patient, listen actively, and express your needs and feelings clearly.
  • Educate Yourself: Learning about your partner's neurodivergent traits can help you better understand their perspective and needs. Knowledge empowers empathy and compassion.
  • Set Realistic Expectations: Be mindful that your partner may have sensory sensitivities, social challenges, or other unique needs. Setting realistic expectations and boundaries can help prevent misunderstandings.
  • Seek Support: Don't hesitate to seek support from therapists or support groups specializing in neurodiversity. They can provide valuable insights and strategies tailored to your unique situation.
  • Celebrate Differences: Embrace the differences that make your relationship unique. Neurodiversity can bring creativity, authenticity, and fresh perspectives to your life together.

    Understanding emotions can vary greatly among neurodiverse individuals, as neurodiversity encompasses a broad spectrum of neurological differences such as autism, ADHD, and more. It's important to recognize that there is no one-size-fits-all explanation, as people with different neurodivergent traits may have distinct ways of processing and understanding emotions. However, here are some general insights into how neurodiverse individuals may perceive and interpret emotions:

    1.Sensory Sensitivities: Many neurodiverse individuals have heightened sensory sensitivities, which can affect how they perceive and respond to emotions. For example, bright lights, loud noises, or strong odors may overwhelm their senses, making it challenging to focus on emotional cues.

    2. Literal Thinking: Some neurodiverse individuals tend to think in concrete and literal terms. They may struggle with understanding metaphorical expressions or subtle non-verbal cues like facial expressions or body language. They may prefer direct and explicit communication.

    3. Delayed Emotional Processing: Neurodiverse individuals may take longer to process and react to emotions, both their own and those of others. This delay can be due to cognitive processing differences or the need to analyze information more thoroughly.

    4. Hyperfocus and Intense Emotions: Neurodiverse individuals, particularly those with ADHD, may experience intense emotions and hyperfocus on specific emotional aspects, often to the exclusion of other details. This can lead to a deep emotional understanding in certain situations.

    5. Social Challenges: Some neurodiverse individuals may experience social difficulties, which can impact their ability to understand and navigate emotions within social contexts. They may struggle with recognising social cues, making friends, or interpreting social hierarchies.

    6. Empathy Variability: Empathy levels can vary among neurodiverse individuals. Some may have heightened empathy, while others may find it challenging to empathize due to difficulties in recognising or understanding emotions in others.

    7. Learning and Adapting: Neurodiverse individuals often learn to understand emotions through explicit teaching, therapy, or personal experience. With support and practice, many can develop effective strategies for recognizing and managing emotions.

    8. Individual Differences: It's essential to remember that neurodiversity is highly individualistic, and there's a wide range of experiences within each neurodivergent category. What works for one person may not work for another, so understanding and accommodating each person's unique needs and preferences is crucial.

    In summary, the way neurodiverse individuals understand emotions can vary significantly based on their specific neurodivergent traits and individual differences. It's essential to approach each person with patience, empathy, and a willingness to adapt communication and support strategies to meet their unique needs.

    Remember, every relationship has its challenges, but with love, patience, and understanding, you can build a strong and beautiful bond with your neurodiverse partner.

    #NeurodiversityInLove #LoveAndUnderstanding #StrongerTogether

  • Grief - Feeling Sadness - Mourning

    In all our lives, at one time or another, we will all face loss. Loss comes in so many forms, maybe it's a loved one, a relationship, a pet, a business, a betrayal, a friendship. I'm sure if you are reading these words, you will have something come to mind.

    Recently a friend of mine lost her beautiful dog, she didn't get lost, she died. I had grown quite fond of this little mutt, and found tears running down my cheeks as I read the message from her.

    Grief is the emotion we experience when we lose something we hold dear. Grief can be a mixed up jumble of all sorts of feelings; anger, sadness, guilt, joy, frustration, relief, confusion, numbness, fear, hope, resentment. We can feel some or all of these at various times after loss, and all of them are OK. I hear you yell, no they're not OK. It can really hurt, when you are grieving, a lot, it can feel like it will never end.

    Maybe a dam of tears has burst and you cry at the least little thing, or you can't stop crying.

    Quote from The Power of Positivity on Instagram

    A few years ago my mother died after a long battle in the hospital, at first I was doing OK. But then I moved, and the house I bought rather than being my dream home, had rain pouring in through the roof. One thing after the other, like a tsunami effect happened. And suddenly all the varying losses, unleashed a waterfall of tears that I just could not stop. No mum to talk to, she would have been a great counsellor, and the missing her started, a good six months after her loss.

    So I went to see some therapists, and what I faced was people trying to fix me, instead of just sitting with me and hearing about my pain.

    You see those emotions need a release, and tears are one way that the body releases. It's rare to find someone, who can just be present and comfortable enough to let you cry.

    So if you are going through grief and feelings are coming up, give yourself space to mourn. If you have one, ask a good friend to listen, reassure them, that they don't have to do anything other than listen. Journal your thoughts, and feelings. Write letters to the person you lost. It's something we go through, and over time, the feelings will get easier to bear and the tears will get less and less. If you can't find a friend to reach out to, give me a call, I am very comfortable listening to, and being present to grief.

    Kyle Cease: on grief...

    You don’t go into winter with the intention to get to summer. You don’t mourn a person in order to get over them.

    So why do we move right past our feelings in order to find oneness, have a positive life, or anything else?

    Maybe it’s time to just feel what we feel, with no outcome in mind.

    Maybe our patterns need to be honored and not rushed through.

    Maybe it’s time to give the parts of us that are ready to go, a big thank you and a big funeral.

    Each Grief is Different

    Russell Brand talking with Steven Barlett on Addiction and Recovery


    Russell Brand FINALLY Opens Up:

    Escaping A Lifetime Of Anxiety, Addiction & Finding Love!

    One of the best talks that I've heard from Russell Brand. If you or a loved one needs help for addiction, this talk may give you some insights.

    If you would like to learn more about The Recovery Steps that Russell mentions in the talk above, here is a video for you...

    Russell On The Twelve Step Program...

    Click here for Recovery The Program.pdf

    Alcohol and Your Brain Health

    We’ve all heard the claims that alcohol is good for your health. The media is quick to cite studies saying that a glass of wine a day reduces the risk of heart attack and that drinking two glasses of wine or beer a day has been linked to a longer life. Sounds good, but what does alcohol do to the brain?

    When it comes to that 3-pound supercomputer in your head, the news isn’t so rosy. Brain SPECT imaging studies at Amen Clinics, which has built the world’s largest database of functional brain scans related to behavior, as well as other research show that alcohol can damage the brain in ways that might make you think twice the next time you’re ordering at the bar.

    1. Shrinks brain volume

    People who drink just 1-7 drinks per week have smaller brains than nondrinkers, according to a 2008 study at Johns Hopkins that appeared in Archives of Neurology. This same research found that people who have 2 or more drinks per day have even more brain shrinkage.

    Changes in the brain can occur early. A 2020 study in Scientific Reports found that moderate drinking was associated with lower total brain volume in early middle age (ages 39-45) in both males and females.

    Research on adolescents and alcohol consumption in Developmental Cognitive Neuroscience showed that those who became heavy drinkers between the ages of 12-17 compared to those who did not drink alcohol started out with less brain volume and lost even more brain volume over time. When it comes to the brain, size matters!

    2. Lowers blood flow to the brain

    The brain scans of heavy drinkers show reduced overall blood flow to the brain. The brain uses 20% of the blood flow in your body and it is critical for healthy brain function.

    When levels are low it can lead to a laundry list of problems—brain fog, poor decision-making, trouble concentrating, impulsivity, and more. It’s especially important to know that low blood flow on brain scans is the #1 predictor of future memory problems and Alzheimer’s disease.

    Spect Brain Scan Heavy Alcohol Abuse

    3. Causes atrophy of the hippocampus

    Drinking 1-2 glasses of wine a day, which is considered “moderate” drinking, leads to atrophy in the hippocampus, according to a 30-year study of 550 women and men that was published in 2017 in BMJ.

    The hippocampus is a critical brain region for learning and memory. In this study, people who had 4 or more drinks per day were 6 times more likely to have atrophy in this critically important region of the brain compared with nondrinkers, and moderate drinkers had 3 times the risk.

    The researchers noted that they found no protective effects from light drinking. And higher alcohol use was also linked to changes in the microstructure of the corpus callosum, a thick bundle of nerve fibers that connect the two hemispheres of the brain and that is involved in allowing both sides of the brain to communicate effectively.

    4. Reduces the number of new brain cells

    Excessive alcohol consumption lowers the generation of new brain cells, especially in the hippocampus, according to animal research presented at Neuroscience in 2009. In the study, monkeys that consumed alcohol experienced a 58% decline in the number of new brain cells formed and a 63% reduction in the survival rate of new brain cells.

    5. Increases the risk of dementia

    Compared with non-drinkers and light drinkers, moderate to heavy drinkers have a 57% higher risk of dementia, according to research in The Journals of Gerontology, Series A. Drinking can literally make you lose your mind.

    ALCOHOL ABUSE AND THE BRAIN

    In people who abuse alcohol, the impacts on the brain can be even greater. A wealth of evidence, including findings in a 2016 review in Frontiers in Psychiatry, suggests that certain brain regions, such as the prefrontal cortex (involved in decision-making, impulse control, planning, and follow-through) and the hippocampus (involved in memory, mood, and learning), experience the most damage from long-term abuse of alcohol.

    BRAIN REHAB PROGRAM

    Although these findings paint a grim picture of alcohol’s impact on the brain, the effects don’t have to be permanent. You are not stuck with the brain you have. Brain imaging studies at Amen Clinics show that the brains of heavy drinkers and alcohol abusers have the potential for recovery.

    Before-and-after SPECT scans in patients who follow a brain rehab program show remarkable improvements in blood flow and activity in the brain. Additional scientific evidence has found that the cognitive deficits related to damage to the prefrontal cortex recover more rapidly than those associated with the hippocampus.


    To rehab your brain, follow these tips:

  • Stop poisoning your brain with alcohol.

  • Love your brain.

  • Fuel your brain with nutrient-dense foods.

  • Avoid sugar in all its forms.

  • Eliminate things that lower blood flow, including too much caffeine or smoking.

  • Learn to kill the ANTs (automatic negative thoughts) that steal your happiness.




    Article from Doc Amen click here to visit Amen Clinics