"Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does." - William James
This idea sits beautifully alongside Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), developed from the work of psychologist Steven C. Hayes and further developed and popularised by therapists and authors including Dr Russ Harris.
ACT doesn't ask us to wait until we feel confident, motivated, happy or completely free from anxiety before we take action. Instead, it encourages us to make room for difficult thoughts and feelings while moving towards what matters to us.
You don't have to feel ready
One of the traps we can fall into is waiting for the “right” feeling before we do something important.
We might tell ourselves:
“I'll start when I feel more confident.”
“I'll have that conversation when I'm less anxious.”
“I'll make that change when I feel motivated.”
“I'll put myself out there when I don't feel so uncomfortable.”
But feelings don't always cooperate with our plans.
ACT encourages us to notice what is happening inside us without allowing uncomfortable thoughts and feelings to automatically dictate what we do.
You can feel anxious and have the conversation.
You can feel uncertain and take the first step.
You can feel sad and still do something meaningful.
You can be afraid and act in accordance with your values.
Making room for difficult feelings
ACT uses the word acceptance, but acceptance doesn't mean liking something, approving of it or giving up.
It means being willing to make space for the thoughts and feelings that are already here rather than spending all of our energy trying to get rid of them.
Sometimes the more desperately we try not to feel anxious, angry, sad or uncertain, the more attention those feelings demand.
Instead, we can learn to say something like:
“I'm noticing that I'm feeling anxious right now. I don't have to make the anxiety disappear before I decide what I want to do.”
That small shift can create some breathing space between what we feel and what we choose to do.
What matters to you?
Another important part of ACT is values →.
Values are not goals that we tick off a list. They are qualities we want to bring into the way we live our lives.
For example, you might value kindness, honesty, courage, connection, creativity, learning, family, compassion, independence or being present.
A goal might be to have a difficult conversation with someone you love. The value underneath that goal might be honesty, love, courage or connection.
When we are clear about what matters to us, we have something to move towards rather than simply something to move away from.
Instead of asking only, “How can I stop feeling anxious?” we might also ask:
“If anxiety wasn't making this decision for me, what would I want to do?”
Or:
“What kind of person do I want to be in this situation?”
Small actions still count
Living according to our values doesn't require dramatic changes.
Sometimes it is a very small action.
Making the phone call you've been putting off.
Listening instead of becoming defensive.
Apologising when you've made a mistake.
Going for a walk when you know movement helps you.
Setting a boundary.
Asking for help.
Spending ten minutes doing something creative.
Putting your phone down and being fully present with someone you love.
These actions may seem insignificant in isolation, but our lives are built from small moments and repeated choices.
We don't always know what difference one small action will make. We don't have to.
We can simply ask, “What is one small thing I can do today that moves me in the direction of the life I want to live?”
You can have difficult thoughts without obeying them
ACT also teaches an important distinction between having a thought and believing that we have to act on it.
Your mind may tell you:
“You're not good enough.”
“This won't work.”
“You'll embarrass yourself.”
“You should just stay where you are.”
Our minds are very good at producing thoughts. That doesn't mean every thought deserves our obedience.
Rather than arguing with every thought, ACT often encourages us to notice thoughts for what they are — thoughts.
“I'm having the thought that I can't do this.”
That is subtly different from:
“I can't do this.”
The first creates a little space. And sometimes a little space is all we need to make a different choice.
What difference could your actions make?
We cannot control everything that happens to us. We cannot control other people's choices, guarantee particular outcomes or prevent ourselves from experiencing pain.
But we can influence the way we respond.
We can choose to be more honest.
We can choose courage over avoidance.
We can choose connection over isolation.
We can choose kindness.
We can choose to repair a relationship.
We can choose to take care of ourselves.
We can choose to take one small step, even while carrying uncertainty along with us.
Perhaps this is part of what William James was getting at.
If you would like some support exploring your emotions, relationships or the challenges you are experiencing, counselling can provide a safe and supportive space to slow down, gain perspective and develop a deeper understanding of yourself.
