In all our lives, at one time or another, we will all face loss. Loss comes in so many forms, maybe it's a loved one, a relationship, a pet, a business, a betrayal, a friendship. I'm sure if you are reading these words, you will have something come to mind.
Recently a friend of mine lost her beautiful dog, actually she didn't get lost, she died. I had grown quite fond of this little mutt, and found tears running down my cheeks as I read the message from her.
Grief is the emotion we experience when we lose something we hold dear. Grief can be a mixed up jumble of all sorts of feelings; anger, sadness, guilt, joy, frustration, relief, confusion, numbness, fear, hope, resentment. We can feel some or all of these at various times after loss, and all of them are OK. I hear you yell, no they're not OK. It can really hurt, when you are grieving, a lot, it can feel like it will never end.
Maybe a dam of tears has burst and you cry at the least little thing, or you can't stop crying.
My Story
A few years ago my mother died after a long battle in the hospital. At first I was doing OK, it wasn't sudden, and she'd had a long life, so I knew at some point death was going to come.
But then I moved, and the house I bought rather than being my dream home, had rain pouring in through the roof. One thing after the other, like a tsunami effect happened. And suddenly all the varying losses, unleashed a waterfall of tears that I just could not stop. No mum to talk to, she would have been a great counsellor by the way, and that empty feeling inside, really missing her started... a good six months after her loss.
So I went to see some therapists, and what I faced was people trying to fix me, instead of just sitting with me and hearing about my pain.
You see those emotions need a release, and tears are one way that the body releases. It's rare to find someone, who can just be present and comfortable enough to let the tears fall, and the emotions be given a voice and validated.
So if you are going through grief and feelings are coming up, give yourself space to mourn. If you have one, ask a good friend to listen, reassure them, that they don't have to do anything other than listen. Journal your thoughts, and feelings. Write letters to the person you lost. It's something we go through, and over time, the feelings will get easier to bear and the tears will get less and less. If you can't find a friend to reach out to, give me a call, I am very comfortable listening to, and being present to grief.
Kyle Cease: on grief...
You don’t go into winter with the intention to get to summer. You don’t mourn a person in order to get over them.
So why do we move right past our feelings in order to find oneness, have a positive life, or anything else?
Maybe it’s time to just feel what we feel, with no outcome in mind.
Maybe our patterns need to be honoured and not rushed through.
For support on your grief journey I invite you to - Get In Touch →
Resources:
The links below will take you to another site - Speaking Grief, Understanding Grief.
There is no step by step process →
