communication techniques 'I' statements

An easy technique in communication is to use 'I' statements in your communications not only with your partner, but everyone you are communicating with. People who use 'I' statements take responsibility for their feelings and behaviours. People who use 'you' statements, can be perceived as blaming and judgemental.

When you are next in a conversation and about to start a sentence with 'you' - replace it with an I, and share from your perspective. For example; instead of... you did well today, replace 'you' with 'I' then what you have noticed... for example; 'I' appreciate all the work you have put in. When you tell people 'you' it can seem as though you are being superior to them.

'I' statements also share more of your inner world with the other person, and can help them to understand what you are experiencing.

For more information: read People Skills by Robert Bolton

i love you


You really shouldn't say "I love you" unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.
Author unknown, attributed to an 8-year-old named Jessica

neediness in relationships

In counselling sessions I watch couples attempting to reconcile in their relationships. Often the partner that is the one 'trying' to get back together, is the one that succeeds - not in getting back together, but pushing the other partner away - by neediness. They realise that they have done the wrong thing or said the wrong thing,haven't been there for the other person, and now they will do anything to set 'the wrong' right. The only trouble with that is, the willingness to do anything after so long not doing... well it can seem false, and the neediness and clinging that goes along with the behaviour, feels claustrophobic to the person on the receiving end.

If your partner agrees to see you and you go out after being separated - do so like you are going out on a first date, enjoy yourself, enjoy your partner, enjoy the place you are in or the activity you are expereincing. Don't plead and beg, and remind them of how wonderful it used to be. How it used to be, got you separated, it needs to be different this time. Let your partner have some space, allow them to initiate contact, they may just find out in time, what a great person you really are.

Behave your way to success.
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