My mum passed away on the 10th December 2017. After her passing, I was busy getting everything done for her estate. Organising the final goodbyes with a funeral and all that goes with it. Life was busy last year with people visiting, and while it was sad to have lost her, grief didn't really set in then.
At first after a loss, shock sets in, and that shock helps cushion us from the deep feelings that are associated with grief. However, at some point those deep feelings will emerge. For some it comes straight away for others the feelings surface later on. There are no hard and fast rules for grief.
For me, just over half way through this year, grief set in. Grief can be so overwhelming, and hard for others to understand. I'm normally on the listening side of the counselling process. However, what I found in looking for someone to talk to myself, is that it is actually really really difficult, to find someone who is comfortable with simply listening to deep grief, and to be able to sit with lots of tears.
There is a rather wonderful talk that I came across today with Petrea King talking to Mia Freedman. I was feeling confused as to why this year, more than last, that lots of tears have been emerging. In the talk, I heard Petrea mention how sometimes it can be the second year after a loss, that you may be feeling the loss more deeply than the first year. That was so reassuring for me to hear.
In case you are going through grief this season, or know someone else who is, you may find this talk will be very beneficial. Grief is the feeling we have in response to loss. It happens not just when someone dies, it also happens, through divorce, separation, financial loss, health issues, and when you lose a pet. I hope this talk gives you some comfort as well.
The Empty Chair at The Christmas Table - Petrea King
Christmas is often referred to as the most wonderful time of the year. It’s a day that's meant to be filled with joy and love. But what if you're not feeling joyful because you're missing a loved one or you're dealing with the end of a significant relationship? How do you face the empty chair at the Christmas table?
Petrea King is one of the most respected grief counselors in the country. She’s counseled over 120,000 people living with cancer and other life-challenging illnesses as well as people dealing with grief, loss, trauma, and tragedy through her foundation, Quest For Life.
She knows what’s it’s like to be facing Christmas with a death, diagnosis or divorce looming after she lost her brother to suicide, and received her own diagnosis of a rare form of leukemia.
So what's her advice on how to navigate Christmas when you're not feeling joyful?
To listen to the podcast with Petrea King talking with Mia Freedman - Click Here or under the image below (BTW the arrow in the purple circle won't work)...
Footnote: this article was written back in 2018.
It really does help to have someone to listen to your grief. It's not a 'fix' I don't think we really get over grief, but it does change shape and we learn to live with it in a different way. Give me a call for a session - 0408 792 747.