The holiday season can be a stressful time for many of us. There can be so much to think about – what to buy, money, family expectations, visitors who stay a little too long, difficult relationships, in-laws, social commitments and all the things that seem to need to be done before Christmas arrives.
Sometimes the stress isn't just about what is happening around us. It is also about what we keep thinking about.
Have you ever found yourself mulling over a situation and noticed that the more you think about it, the worse you feel?
Perhaps you replay an argument, imagine what someone might say, remember something that happened years ago, or run through a conversation in your head that hasn't even happened yet. Before long, your body may be responding as though the situation is happening right now.
Our thoughts don't just stay in our heads. They can influence how we feel in our bodies and how we respond to the people around us.
But there is another possibility.
What if, when you notice yourself caught in a stress loop, you gently redirected your attention?
Think for a moment about somewhere in nature that you love. Perhaps it is the beach early in the morning, a favourite garden, a quiet bush track or somewhere you have travelled. Think about music that makes you feel good. Think about people you love. Notice the little things around you that bring pleasure – sunlight coming through a window, flowers beginning to bloom, birds in the garden, the smell of something cooking.
What happens in your body when you give your attention to those things?
Perhaps your shoulders drop a little. Perhaps your breathing changes. Perhaps you feel a little lighter.
This doesn't mean we can simply choose our emotions or think our way out of genuine sadness, grief or difficult circumstances. Some feelings need to be acknowledged and experienced. But we can become more aware of where we are placing our attention, and whether repeatedly going over something is actually helping us.
Sometimes the most helpful question isn't, "How can I stop feeling this?" but rather, "What do I want to give my attention to right now?"
When you notice yourself caught in a stress loop, pause and ask:
What am I thinking about?
Is there something I can actually do about this?
If there is, what is one small thing I can do?
If there isn't, where else could I place my attention right now?
For some people, Christmas can also bring sadness. Perhaps the children have grown up and left home. Perhaps someone you love is no longer here. Perhaps family relationships have changed, or Christmas brings memories of happier times.
We don't have to pretend those feelings aren't there. But we can also make room for something new.
Perhaps you could decorate the house this year simply because you enjoy the lights and colour. Not because you have children at home. Not because Christmas is supposed to look a certain way. Just because you like it.
Perhaps you could put the decorations up and notice the memories they bring, while also allowing yourself to create new ones.
There is something lovely about remembering that the present moment is the only moment we can actually live.
The past has happened. The future hasn't arrived. But this moment is here.
So perhaps this Christmas, instead of making happiness the goal, make kindness the goal.
Give someone a genuine compliment. Offer to help. Send a message to someone who might appreciate hearing from you. Notice someone's effort. Let another driver into the traffic. Sit and listen. Do something kind without needing anything in return.
And when you catch yourself mulling over the things that make you angry, anxious or sad, notice it.
You don't have to argue with your thoughts. You don't have to force yourself to be positive.
Simply notice where your mind has gone, take a breath, and gently bring your attention back to where you are.
Back to the people around you. Back to the garden. Back to the music. Back to the sunlight. Back to the cup of tea in your hands.
Back to this moment.
Because sometimes reducing holiday stress isn't about making everything around us perfect.
Sometimes it is about learning to choose, moment by moment, what we give our attention to.
If you would like some support exploring your emotions, relationships or the challenges you are experiencing, counselling can provide a safe and supportive space to slow down, gain perspective and develop a deeper understanding of yourself.
