Overthinking: When Thinking Becomes a Trap
Thinking is something we all do. We think about our relationships, our decisions, our responsibilities, our past experiences and what might happen in the future.
Thinking can be helpful. We need to think things through, solve problems, make decisions and learn from our experiences.
But sometimes thinking stops being helpful and becomes a loop that is difficult to step out of.
This is what we often mean when we talk about overthinking.
When Thinking Becomes Repetitive
Overthinking can involve going over the same situation again and again, analysing what happened, imagining different possibilities or trying to find an answer that will finally make us feel certain or safe.
You might find yourself thinking:
Why did they say that?
Did I say the wrong thing?
What if something goes wrong?
Why didn't I handle that differently?
What if they are upset with me?
What should I do?
Sometimes we believe that if we just think about something a little more, we will eventually find the answer or make the uncomfortable feeling go away.
But often the opposite happens. The more we think, the more questions we seem to have.
Thinking About the Past
One form of overthinking is repeatedly going over something that has already happened.
We might replay a conversation, wonder what we should have said, focus on something we regret, or imagine how things might have turned out differently.
Reflecting on the past can be useful when it helps us understand something or learn from it. But there is a difference between reflection and rumination.
Reflection asks: What can I learn from this?
Rumination asks: Why did this happen? What is wrong with me? Why didn't I do something differently? — and then keeps asking the same questions without moving us forward.
Thinking About the Future
Overthinking can also pull us into the future.
We might imagine everything that could go wrong, rehearse conversations that haven't happened yet, or try to prepare ourselves for every possible outcome.
Planning can be helpful. Worrying is different.
Planning asks, "What can I do?"
Worry often asks, "What if?" — and then produces another “what if” to answer.
When we are caught in this kind of thinking, it can feel as though we are solving a problem, when in fact we may simply be moving around the same thoughts.
Why Do We Overthink?
Overthinking isn't a sign that something is wrong with us. Often, our minds are trying to protect us.
We may be trying to avoid making a mistake, prevent something painful from happening, understand someone else's behaviour, gain certainty, or feel more in control.
For some people, thinking has also become a way of avoiding uncomfortable feelings. It can feel easier to analyse what is happening than to pause and notice that underneath the thinking we may be feeling hurt, anxious, angry, disappointed or afraid.
Sometimes the question isn't "What else do I need to think about?" but "What am I feeling underneath all this thinking?"
You Don't Have to Believe Every Thought
One of the things we can learn through mindfulness is that thoughts are mental events. They come and go, often without us consciously choosing them.
A thought can feel very convincing without necessarily being a fact.
Instead of becoming completely caught up in a thought, we can begin to notice it:
"I'm having the thought that I've done something wrong."
"I'm noticing that I'm imagining everything that could go wrong."
"My mind is trying to work this out again."
This small shift can create some space between ourselves and our thinking.
Moving Out of the Thinking Loop
The aim isn't to stop thinking. Our minds are going to think.
Instead, we can learn to recognise when thinking has stopped being useful and gently bring ourselves back to the present moment.
You might try asking yourself:
Is there something I can actually do about this right now?
Am I solving a problem, or going around in circles?
Is this something I need to decide now?
Am I looking for certainty that isn't possible?
What am I feeling underneath all this thinking?
What is happening in my life right now, rather than in my head?
Sometimes the most helpful thing we can do is step away from the problem for a while. Go for a walk, notice your surroundings, practise some mindful breathing, talk to someone, or simply allow yourself to be present without trying to work everything out.
You Don't Have to Think Your Way Out of Everything
There are times when thinking helps us find a way forward. And there are times when more thinking simply keeps us stuck.
Learning to recognise the difference can be an important part of becoming more mindful of our thoughts.
We can think things through without becoming consumed by them. We can acknowledge uncertainty without needing to solve it immediately. And we can learn that sometimes a thought is simply a thought — something our mind has produced, rather than something we have to follow.
If you find yourself caught in patterns of overthinking, worry or rumination, counselling can provide a space to slow things down, understand what may be underneath the thinking and explore different ways of responding.
Get in touch → to arrange an online counselling session.