Feeling Under-appreciated?

Do you feel under-appreciated by your partner? Or maybe your partner says you don’t appreciate them enough?

Showing each other regular love and appreciation is a huge part of a healthy, happy relationship. It’s also one of the antidotes of the infamous Four Horsemen, specifically contempt.

Here are 3 ways to build a culture of appreciation in your relationship:

1: Practice Small Things Often.

If you regularly express appreciation, gratitude, affection, and respect for your partner, you’ll create a positive perspective in your relationship that acts as a buffer for negative feelings.

2: Show and verbalize regular appreciation and admiration for each other.

Look for ways of letting the other person know that they are important and valued, focus on what you cherish in each other and share those thoughts regularly, and show affection on a regular basis.

3: Try to have more positive interactions in your relationship than negative ones.

Dr. John Gottman terms this the “magic ratio” or “the 5:1 ratio” and uses a banking metaphor to describe it. Essentially, if you have five or more positive interactions for every one negative interaction during conflict (20:1 outside of conflict), then you’re making regular deposits into your emotional bank account, which keeps your relationship in the green.

The bottom line: focus on creating more positive interactions with your partner.

When all else fails, spell it out:

I appreciate ________ about you because ________.

I appreciate that you are so ________ . It means ________ to me.

I love that you ________.

Shared from The Gottman Institute Newsletter.

Labels

"Anxiety-Free Gift-Giving" A Complaint Free World a nurturing family a simple way to break a bad habit accept your anxiety and watch it diminish albert einstein all the advice you ever gave anchors away anchors that keep you safe in a storm anchors that you need to let go of art journalling at this moment bear cottage hospice - fundraiser beyond blue - keep active brene brown byron katie cheryl richardson podcasts christmas celebrate in a new way christmas won't be the same without you Clarification a communication skill communication I statements Compliments and Criticism coping mechanisms for ptsd creating mandalas daniel goleman Day of the Dead depression Diary of a CEO - The Gottmans different than you Dissolving Frustrations Dr Andrew Huberman drawing mandalas eating disorders emotional intelligence emotional intelligence toolkit feeling unappreciated four horsemen four lessons we all need to learn Freedom frustration getting even giving up on your dream? Gottman Institute Grief Harbouring hate and resentment Hedy Schleifer at The Smart Marriage Conference hedy yumi hope can be given How does divorce affect teenagers how does mindfulness reduce stress how to get more of what you want how to help those we love how to meditate in a moment I am FEAR I learned to love you today... i love you I think of life as a wonderful play Improving your relationship Invitation to join Artists Way Group August 2015 julia cameron kahlil gibran labyrinth mandala Listening To Shame Lou Tice making Australia Happy mandala of fragmentation mindfulness money - how's your relationship to it? Mothering Your Partner neediness in relationships one grain of sand can turn the tide people who try to belittle you Persecutor ptsd purposeful problems quote by anthony robbins on commitment quote by anthony robbins on frustration quote by carl jung Reacting in Anger Relationship rescue relax time out remembering sept 11 repetitive thinking Rescuer resilience resilience in ptsd Seize the small moments self respect Separating Self-Worth and Behavior Shirley MacLaine soul art stress supporting tolerance susanne fincher susanne fincher mandala take time to breathe today technique for depression The Adult Child Role in relationship the art of being a couple The Butterfly Foundation the divided brain The Drama Triangle The Human Condition the intuitive mind The Peace Pavillion the power of connection the power of one the season for stress? lou tice the work tony buzan's mind mapping tree mandala mosaic Unconditional positive regard -- the power of self acceptance - Michelle Charfen understanding a negative emotion uplifting podcasts values cards Victim Video on Vulnerability Ways to take a break - learn how to soothe yourself without alcohol or drugs wellness mandala what makes love last what you do makes a difference when you are sorrowful workplace clarification world suicide prevention day 2014 World Transformation Movement would you stop to listen? you are a miracle you are the best gift you cannot be lonely you tube video creating and interpreting mandalas