Do you feel under-appreciated by your partner? Or maybe your partner says you don’t appreciate them enough?
Showing each other regular love and appreciation is a huge part of a healthy, happy relationship. It’s also one of the antidotes of the infamous Four Horsemen, specifically contempt.
Here are 3 ways to build a culture of appreciation in your relationship:
1: Practice Small Things Often.
If you regularly express appreciation, gratitude, affection, and respect for your partner, you’ll create a positive perspective in your relationship that acts as a buffer for negative feelings.
2: Show and verbalize regular appreciation and admiration for each other.
Look for ways of letting the other person know that they are important and valued, focus on what you cherish in each other and share those thoughts regularly, and show affection on a regular basis.
3: Try to have more positive interactions in your relationship than negative ones.
Dr. John Gottman terms this the “magic ratio” or “the 5:1 ratio” and uses a banking metaphor to describe it. Essentially, if you have five or more positive interactions for every one negative interaction during conflict (20:1 outside of conflict), then you’re making regular deposits into your emotional bank account, which keeps your relationship in the green.
The bottom line: focus on creating more positive interactions with your partner.
When all else fails, spell it out:
I appreciate ________ about you because ________.
I appreciate that you are so ________ . It means ________ to me.
I love that you ________.
Shared from The Gottman Institute Newsletter.
If you would like some support exploring your emotions, relationships or the challenges you are experiencing, counselling can provide a safe and supportive space to slow down, gain perspective and develop a deeper understanding of yourself.
