The Foundations of a Lasting Relationship

Building a lasting relationship is not just about love — it’s about creating an environment where both people feel safe, valued, and connected. Relationships thrive when certain key ingredients are present and continually nurtured. Below are some of the most essential foundations for a strong, enduring bond.

1. Safety

Emotional and physical safety form the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. When we feel safe, we can express our thoughts and feelings honestly without fear of judgment or retaliation.

Safety allows vulnerability — the space to be your true self. This kind of security grows through consistency, kindness, and dependable behaviour over time.

2. Trust

Trust is built through small, everyday actions that demonstrate reliability and integrity. It’s about keeping promises, showing up when you say you will, and communicating openly.

Trust doesn’t happen instantly; it develops gradually and deepens when both partners act with honesty and accountability.

3. Appreciation

Feeling appreciated is one of the simplest yet most powerful ways to strengthen connection. Expressing gratitude — for your partner’s efforts, presence, and unique qualities — reminds both of you of the value you bring to each other’s lives. A small “thank you,” a warm smile, or a thoughtful gesture can make a big difference in keeping love alive.

4. Respect

Respect is about recognising your partner as an individual with their own thoughts, needs, and dreams. It means listening without dismissing, speaking without contempt, and allowing differences without trying to control or change the other person.

Mutual respect creates an atmosphere of equality where both partners feel heard and valued.

5. Validation

We all want to feel that our experiences and emotions matter. Validation doesn’t mean agreeing with everything your partner says; it means acknowledging their feelings as real and understandable. A simple, “I can see why you’d feel that way,” can ease tension and build emotional closeness.

6. Encouragement

In a supportive relationship, partners cheer each other on through life’s challenges and transitions. Encouragement involves believing in each other’s potential and offering reassurance during difficult times.

It’s the gentle push that says, “I’m here with you — you can do this.”

7. Dedication

Long-lasting relationships require ongoing commitment. Dedication means showing up even when it’s hard, continuing to nurture the connection, and growing together through life’s inevitable changes.

It’s not about perfection but about choosing each other — again and again — with care and intention.

In Closing

A lasting relationship is not built overnight; it’s a living, evolving process that depends on safety, trust, appreciation, respect, validation, encouragement, and dedication.

When both partners invest in these qualities, love becomes not just a feeling but a steady foundation for life together.

Keywords: #lastingrelationship #trust #safety #appreciation #respect #validation #encouragement #relationshipcounselling #healthyrelationships

Journalling For Insight

The Healing Power of Journalling: Writing Your Way to Clarity and Growth

In our fast-paced, often overwhelming world, finding a quiet moment to listen to our inner voice can be challenging. Journalling offers a simple yet profound way to slow down, reflect, and reconnect with ourselves. It’s not just about recording daily events — it’s about exploring our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in a safe and private space.

Why Journalling Works

Writing by hand helps us tap into deeper levels of awareness. When we translate our thoughts and emotions into words, we give shape to what might otherwise remain unspoken or confusing. This process allows us to release emotional tension, make sense of experiences, and cultivate self-understanding.

As author and teacher Christina Baldwin describes in her book Life’s Companion: Journal Writing as a Spiritual Quest, the act of journalling is “a conversation with the soul.” Baldwin views journalling as a spiritual and psychological tool — a way to witness our inner journey, discover meaning, and nurture personal growth. She reminds us that our journals are not about perfect writing, but honest reflection.

Julia Cameron’s Morning Pages

Another influential voice in the journalling world is Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way. Cameron encourages a daily writing practice she calls Morning Pages — three pages of longhand, stream-of-consciousness writing first thing each morning.

Morning Pages are not meant to be read, judged, or shared. They are a mental and emotional clearing — a place to pour out worries, ideas, frustrations, and hopes. As Cameron explains, this practice “retrieves your creativity,” helping you uncover insights and patterns that lie just beneath the surface of your conscious mind.

For many people, this daily ritual becomes a grounding practice — a way to check in with themselves before the day begins.

Journalling in Counselling and Personal Growth

In counselling, journalling can be a powerful complement to therapy sessions. It allows clients to continue exploring themes that arise in therapy, track emotional changes over time, and notice repeating patterns in thoughts or behaviour. Writing can also strengthen self-compassion by helping us recognise our struggles with gentleness and curiosity.

Here are a few journalling prompts you might try:

• What emotion am I feeling most strongly today, and what might it be telling me?
• When do I feel most at peace?
• What am I avoiding, and what would it mean to face it with kindness?
• What would I like to say to my younger self?

A Practice of Self-Compassion

Whether you use Baldwin’s reflective journalling style or Cameron’s Morning Pages, the essence of journalling is self-connection. It’s not about being productive or writing beautifully — it’s about showing up for yourself with honesty and care.

Over time, journalling can become a trusted companion — a space where you can express, process, and heal. For a session with me on journalling - Phone / Text / WhatsApp: 0408 792 747

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5 Tips to Cultivate Deep Listening

In a world full of distractions, truly listening to another person has become a rare and powerful act. Deep listening goes beyond hearing the words — it’s about being fully present with another person, open to understanding their feelings, experiences, and needs. Whether in relationships, work, or daily conversations, learning to listen deeply helps build trust, empathy, and connection.

Here are five ways you can begin cultivating deep listening in your everyday life.

1. Be Fully Present

Deep listening starts with presence. When you’re distracted — thinking about what to say next or glancing at your phone — it sends a message that the other person’s words aren’t a priority. Try to pause, take a breath, and give your full attention. Notice their tone, body language, and emotions as much as their words. Presence is one of the greatest gifts you can offer.

2. Listen to Understand, Not to Respond

Often, we listen with the intent to reply, to fix, or to share our own experiences. Deep listening asks us to do the opposite — to listen simply to understand. When someone shares something important, try responding with curiosity: “That sounds really hard — can you tell me more about that?” This invites deeper sharing and helps the speaker feel truly seen and heard.

3. Notice What’s Not Being Said

Sometimes what’s unsaid carries just as much meaning as the words spoken. Notice pauses, changes in tone, or moments where the person seems to pull back. These subtle cues can reveal feelings like fear, sadness, or uncertainty. Gentle questions such as, “I noticed you hesitated — is there more you’d like to share?” can create space for deeper honesty.

4. Manage Your Own Inner Dialogue

It’s normal for your mind to wander or form judgments while someone is speaking. Part of deep listening is learning to quiet that inner chatter. When you catch yourself thinking, “I know exactly what they mean,” or, “That reminds me of…,” gently bring your focus back. Remember: the conversation is about understanding their world, not your own.

5. Respond with Empathy and Reflection

After listening, reflect back what you’ve heard — not by parroting words, but by showing genuine understanding. You might say, “It sounds like you’ve been feeling overwhelmed and unsure where to start,” or “You seem really proud of how you handled that.” Reflecting emotions helps people feel validated and understood — and that’s often where healing begins.

Final Thoughts

Deep listening is a skill that takes patience and practice, but it transforms the way we relate to others — and to ourselves. The next time someone speaks to you, try to listen as if their words are the most important thing in the world for that moment. You may be surprised by how much connection can grow from simply being present.

To get in touch - phone or text for an online session - 0408 792 747

Belief Systems

Understanding Core Belief Systems: The Hidden Stories That Shape Our Lives

Have you ever wondered why certain patterns seem to repeat in your life — the same kinds of relationships, reactions, or fears that seem to show up no matter how much you try to change? Often, the answer lies deep within our core belief systems.

What Are Core Beliefs?

Core beliefs are the deeply held ideas we have about ourselves, others, and the world. They form early in life, shaped by our upbringing, relationships, culture, and personal experiences. These beliefs act like an internal lens — colouring how we interpret what happens around us.

For example:

Someone who grew up feeling unseen might carry a core belief of “I’m not important.”

A person who experienced inconsistency or abandonment might believe “People always leave.”

Others might hold positive, empowering beliefs like “I can handle challenges” or “I am lovable.”

These belief systems can be helpful or limiting, and most of us have a mix of both.

How Core Beliefs Affect Daily Life

Because core beliefs sit so deep in the subconscious, they often influence us without our awareness. They affect how we interpret situations, the partners we choose, our emotional reactions, and even how we treat ourselves.

For example, if your core belief is “I’m not good enough,” you might:

Overwork to prove your worth.

Avoid new opportunities for fear of failing.

Struggle to accept compliments or kindness.

These patterns can be exhausting — and they can quietly reinforce the very belief that’s causing the pain.

How Counselling Helps

I create a safe and compassionate space to explore these hidden beliefs.

Identify patterns in your thoughts, emotions, and relationships.

Trace them back to the core beliefs that may be driving them.

Test whether those beliefs are truly accurate or still serving you today.

Develop new, healthier ways of thinking and responding.

Over time, many people find themselves moving from “I’m not enough” toward “I am worthy and capable.”

This shift doesn’t happen overnight, but it can be deeply healing and life-changing.

Moving Forward

Becoming aware of your belief systems is the first step toward change. Start noticing your inner dialogue — the stories you tell yourself about who you are and what you deserve. Ask yourself:

“Is this belief true — or is it an old story I can now let go of?”

When we begin to question and reshape our core beliefs, we open up space for compassion, confidence, and growth.

You are allowed to rewrite your story — one belief at a time.

If you feel like "I am not enough" is one of your core beliefs, I invite you to copy this image and paste somewhere you will see it everyday.

🌿 Journal Exercise: Exploring Your Core Beliefs

If you would like to... here is an exercise for you to journal.

Purpose:

Our core beliefs are the deep, often unconscious ideas we hold about ourselves, others, and the world. They shape how we see life, interpret experiences, and respond to challenges. This exercise will help you uncover some of your core beliefs and begin reflecting on whether they truly serve and support you today.

Start with Self-Reflection

Find a quiet space and take a few slow, deep breaths.

Ask yourself:

What do I believe to be true about myself?

What do I believe about other people?

What do I believe about the world or life in general?

Write freely for 5–10 minutes without censoring yourself. Don’t worry if your answers sound messy, contradictory, or uncertain — just notice what comes up.

The next part of this exercise is to challenge the limiting beliefs, if you would like to work through this journal exercise with me in a session, please call or text - 0408 792 747

The Drama Triangle: How It Plays Out in Relationships and at Work

In both our personal lives and professional settings, conflict often follows familiar patterns. One powerful tool for understanding these patterns is Stephen Karpman’s Drama Triangle. It highlights three roles that people may unconsciously step into when tension rises: Victim, Rescuer, and Persecutor.

The Three Roles

Victim Feels powerless, helpless, or unfairly treated. Often seeks someone to “fix” the situation or to blame for their distress.

Rescuer Rushes in to help, fix, or save others — sometimes without being asked. While it may look generous, it can actually reinforce dependency and prevent true problem-solving.

Persecutor Criticises, blames, or controls others. This role tends to use power aggressively, leaving others feeling diminished or stuck.

It’s important to remember that these are roles, not identities. People can shift between them quickly, depending on the situation.

In Relationships

In intimate or family relationships, the Drama Triangle can create cycles of conflict and disconnection. For example:

A partner may feel unheard (Victim), while the other becomes critical (Persecutor).

Another family member might step in to calm things down (Rescuer), but ends up feeling exhausted or resentful.

Over time, these patterns erode trust and intimacy. Instead of fostering healthy communication, the relationship becomes defined by blame, over-functioning, or withdrawal.

In the Workplace

The same dynamics often appear at work:

An employee feels overworked and unsupported (Victim).

A manager criticises their performance without offering guidance (Persecutor).

A colleague steps in to help but takes on too much themselves (Rescuer).

This cycle can damage team morale, fuel burnout, and prevent real solutions from emerging.

Breaking Free from the Triangle

The good news is that awareness is the first step out of the Drama Triangle. Once we notice these roles, we can choose healthier alternatives:

Move from Victim to Creator — focusing on choices and what’s within your control.

Shift from Rescuer to Coach — supporting others without taking over.

Transform from Persecutor to Challenger — offering honest feedback respectfully.

By stepping out of the Drama Triangle, both relationships and workplaces can move toward more empowering and collaborative dynamics.

✨ Takeaway: The Drama Triangle shows us how easy it is to get stuck in unhelpful patterns. But with awareness and practice, we can create healthier ways of relating that bring more connection, respect, and growth — whether at home or at work.

✨ Journal Exercise: Reflect back on all the moments of the day that stand out. What role did you take? Did you find yourself in Rescuer, Victim, Persecutor? Or Creator, Coach or Challenger?

For an online session exploring the Drama Triangle, call or text: 0408 792 747

Riding the Waves of Life and Love

🌊 "You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn how to surf.” Jon Kabat-Zinn 🌊

Jon Kabat-Zinn is an American professor emeritus and is the creator of the MBSR - Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction.

Mindfulness isn’t about controlling what happens, it’s about learning how to meet each moment with presence, steadiness, and compassion. 💙

Life will always bring its waves — challenges, emotions, relationship challenges, and change. We can’t stop them from coming, but we can learn to ride them with awareness and balance. 🏄‍♀️

We can’t always control what arises, whether it’s a partner’s mood, a loved one’s reaction, or the tide of our own stress and sadness.

But mindfulness teaches us that we don’t need to control the ocean. What we can do is learn how to ride it.

In relationships, this might mean noticing when tension rises and choosing to respond with patience rather than react with anger.

It might mean allowing a partner’s emotions to exist without feeling we have to fix them.

In our inner world, learning to “surf” means practicing awareness—acknowledging feelings of anxiety, grief, or frustration without being pulled under by them.

By staying present, breathing, and grounding ourselves, we allow emotions to pass like waves, rather than fighting against them.

Mindfulness is not about avoiding difficulty, but about finding balance and flow within it.

With practice, each wave becomes less of a threat and more of an opportunity to deepen our resilience, compassion, and connection.

💙 Next time the waves rise, pause. Notice. Breathe.

And gently remind yourself: You are learning how to surf.

To learn more in a session, call or text: 0408 792 747

The Broken Window Theory - Why Little things matter in life and relationships.

Streeet Art - The Back Alley Gallery Lismore NSW @the_back_alley_gallery. Photo credit @kareen_barlin_fellows

When we moved into our new house recently, I had this sinking feeling when I discovered that the people we had bought it off, had left the home in a dirty and unkept condition.

What started out as excitement moving into a new home slowly started to turn into dismay and disappointment at the state of the house. The exciting and tiring moving day, ended up with “oh no, now we’ve got to clean up someone else’s mess.”

It reminded me of something called the Broken Window Theory.

Back in the 1980s, two social scientists, James Q. Wilson and George L. Kelling, suggested that when small signs of neglect—like a broken window, graffiti, or litter—are ignored, it can lead to more neglect and even bigger problems. People take cues from their environment. If a place looks uncared for, it almost invites more carelessness.

And honestly, that’s exactly how this house felt. The previous owners hadn’t bothered to do the small, respectful things before leaving. It sent a message that it didn’t matter. And now we’re the ones scrubbing out the cupboards and vacuuming up cobwebs to reset the tone.

Where It Shows Up in Everyday Life

The Broken Window Theory isn’t just about houses or crime prevention—it’s about the power of small things.

At Home: One dirty dish left in the sink seems harmless. But soon it becomes two… then three… then suddenly the kitchen feels overwhelming. By tackling the little things early, we keep things feeling calm and manageable.

In Relationships: A small hurt left unspoken—like a dismissive comment or a forgotten thank you—can grow if we don’t tend to it. Repairing the little cracks helps prevent bigger rifts.

In Our Habits: Skipping a workout or indulging in that one extra treat isn’t the end of the world. But over time, those “tiny windows” of choice build up. Small acts of self-care matter more than we think.

In Communities: Picking up rubbish, saying hello to neighbours, or helping out in little ways creates a sense of pride and care. When we show we care, others are more likely to do the same.

Resetting the Tone

As we’ve been cleaning this house—removing someone else’s mess—it’s made me realise how much the little things really set the tone. Each cupboard I wipe out feels like a small promise: We’re starting fresh here. We care about this space. We’re going to make it ours.

That’s really what the Broken Window Theory is about—not perfection, but presence. Paying attention to the details that say, “This matters.”

How We Can Use This in Our Lives

Do the small things early. Make the bed, wash the cup, wipe the bench.

Tend to relationships gently. Offer the apology, send the text, give the hug.

Notice what your space is saying to you. Is there a “broken window” you could fix today that would instantly lift your mood?

Take pride in little acts of care. It doesn’t have to be grand—just a small sign that you value your home, your relationships, and yourself.

As we settle into our new home, every clean shelf and swept floor is helping us create a place that feels cared for. Because when we show care in the small things, we create a ripple effect—one that makes life feel calmer, safer, and more connected.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by “broken windows” in your own life—whether that’s in your home, your habits, or your relationships—counselling can be a gentle way to reset the tone. Together, we can look at the small steps that make life feel lighter and more manageable.

💛 If you’d like some support, you’re welcome to get in touch with me here – I’d love to help you create the fresh start you’re looking for.

🏡 And a suggestion if you are in the process of buying your own home, or considering buying... when you are negotiating contracts include that the home is to have a bond clean prior to you moving in.

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To explore more in a session, call or text: 0408 792 747