For many people, holidays are supposed to be a time of rest, connection and celebration. Yet they can also become a time of considerable stress and tension.
There may be travel to organise, presents to buy, meals to plan, family to accommodate, social commitments to juggle and a long list of things that seem to need doing before the holiday can actually begin.
And then there are the expectations.
We may have an idea in our minds about how the holiday should look. Everyone should be happy. The house should be tidy. The meal should turn out perfectly. We should find the right presents. We should make time for everyone. The family should get along.
Notice all the SHOULDS?
It is easy to turn a holiday into a project that has to be managed perfectly.
But holidays rarely go exactly to plan.
Traffic can be terrible. Someone arrives late. A flight is delayed. The supermarket is crowded. The meal doesn't turn out quite as expected. Someone says something insensitive. Children become overtired. Family dynamics that have been quietly sitting beneath the surface suddenly make an appearance.
When we are already feeling stressed, even small inconveniences can feel much bigger than they really are.
We can find ourselves thinking:
"How am I going to get everything done?"
"There's no time."
"What if everything goes wrong?"
"I have to get this right."
"Everyone is relying on me."
Notice the language in those thoughts. Have to. Should. Must. What if?
These words can create a tremendous amount of pressure.
Sometimes the stress isn't simply coming from everything that needs to be done. It is coming from the story we are telling ourselves about how things need to be.
It can be helpful to pause and ask yourself:
What am I expecting from this holiday?
What am I telling myself has to happen?
What am I afraid will happen if things don't go according to plan?
You may discover some old expectations that you've been carrying for years. Perhaps you feel responsible for making everyone happy, keeping the peace, creating the "perfect" celebration or meeting everyone else's needs.
But you don't have to create a perfect holiday for it to be a meaningful one.
Sometimes the most enjoyable moments are the unplanned ones. A conversation that goes on longer than expected. A walk on the beach. Sitting around the table after everyone else has finished eating. Laughing about something that went completely wrong.
A little flexibility can take a lot of pressure out of the holiday season.
This year, rather than asking yourself, "How am I going to get everything done perfectly?" perhaps ask, "What really matters to me about this time of year?"
That simple question can help bring us back to what the holiday is actually about.
And if you notice yourself becoming tense or overwhelmed, take a breath, slow down and remember: everything does not have to be perfect for you to enjoy the moment.
If you would like some support exploring your emotions, relationships or the challenges you are experiencing, counselling can provide a safe and supportive space to slow down, gain perspective and develop a deeper understanding of yourself.
