How To Make Stress Your Friend

Stress. It makes your heart pound, your breathing quicken and your forehead sweat. But while stress has been made into a public health enemy, new research suggests that stress may only be bad for you if you believe that to be the case. Psychologist Kelly McGonigal urges us to see stress as a positive, and introduces us to an unsung mechanism for stress reduction: reaching out to others.

Part of the Transcript: I want to tell you about one of the most under-appreciated aspects of the stress response, and the idea is this: Stress makes you social.

7:48 (numbers at the side relate to the time on the video) - To understand this side of stress, we need to talk about a hormone, oxytocin, and I know oxytocin has already gotten as much hype as a hormone can get. It even has its own cute nickname, the cuddle hormone, because it's released when you hug someone. But this is a very small part of what oxytocin is involved in. Oxytocin is a neuro-hormone. It fine-tunes your brain's social instincts. It primes you to do things that strengthen close relationships. Oxytocin makes you crave physical contact with your friends and family. It enhances your empathy. It even makes you more willing to help and support the people you care about. Some people have even suggested we should snort oxytocin... to become more compassionate and caring.

But here's what most people don't understand about oxytocin. It's a stress hormone. Your pituitary gland pumps this stuff out as part of the stress response. It's as much a part of your stress response as the adrenaline that makes your heart pound. And when oxytocin is released in the stress response, it is motivating you to seek support. Your biological stress response is nudging you to tell someone how you feel, instead of bottling it up. Your stress response wants to make sure you notice when someone else in your life is struggling so that you can support each other. When life is difficult, your stress response wants you to be surrounded by people who care about you.

9:32 - Okay, so how is knowing this side of stress going to make you healthier? Well, oxytocin doesn't only act on your brain. It also acts on your body, and one of its main roles in your body is to protect your cardiovascular system from the effects of stress. It's a natural anti-inflammatory. It also helps your blood vessels stay relaxed during stress.

But my favorite effect on the body is actually on the heart. Your heart has receptors for this hormone, and oxytocin helps heart cells regenerate and heal from any stress-induced damage. This stress hormone strengthens your heart. And the cool thing is that all of these physical benefits of oxytocin are enhanced by social contact and social support. So when you reach out to others under stress, either to seek support or to help someone else, you release more of this hormone, your stress response becomes healthier, and you actually recover faster from stress. I find this amazing, that your stress response has a built-in mechanism for stress resilience, and that mechanism is human connection.

10:50 - I want to finish by telling you about one more study. And listen up, because this study could also save a life. This study tracked about 1,000 adults in the United States, and they ranged in age from 34 to 93, and they started the study by asking, "How much stress have you experienced in the last year?" They also asked, "How much time have you spent helping out friends, neighbors, people in your community?" And then they used public records for the next five years to find out who died.

11:26 - Okay, so the bad news first: For every major stressful life experience, like financial difficulties or family crisis, that increased the risk of dying by 30 percent. But -- and I hope you are expecting a "but" by now -- but that wasn't true for everyone. People who spent time caring for others showed absolutely no stress-related increase in dying. Zero. Caring created resilience. And so we see once again that the harmful effects of stress on your health are not inevitable.

How you think and how you act can transform your experience of stress. When you choose to view your stress response as helpful, you create the biology of courage. And when you choose to connect with others under stress, you can create resilience. Now I wouldn't necessarily ask for more stressful experiences in my life, but this science has given me a whole new appreciation for stress.

Stress gives us access to our hearts. The compassionate heart that finds joy and meaning in connecting with others, and yes, your pounding physical heart, working so hard to give you strength and energy. And when you choose to view stress in this way, you're not just getting better at stress, you're actually making a pretty profound statement. You're saying that you can trust yourself to handle life's challenges. And you're remembering that you don't have to face them alone.

Vidoe and transcript from Ted.com - talks Kelly McGonigal


Photo K Fellows

The mindful way through depression: Zindel Segal at TEDxUTSC

The mindful way through depression: Zindel Segal at TEDxUTSC

The Space Between Self Esteem and Self Compassion

Treating ourselves the same way we would a good friend.

The Case for Emotional Hygiene

"We'll go to the doctor when we feel flu-ish or a nagging pain. So why don’t we see a health professional when we feel emotional pain: guilt, loss, loneliness? Too many of us deal with common psychological-health issues on our own, says Guy Winch. But we don’t have to. He makes a compelling case to practice emotional hygiene — taking care of our emotions, our minds, with the same diligence we take care of our bodies."

Starting the New Year

The New Year - I think we all know about New Year's resolutions - and have probably attempted one or two things in the past - some we may have followed up and others not at all. We start out with ideas about how this year will be different - ah well I'm sure you know the scenario, I've been meaning to go to the gym for 2 years now, and get back to Tai Chi - what's your ones?

At the turning of the new year this year I watched a couple of webinars on New Year's Vision for 2015. For those wondering what a webinar is, a webinar is a seminar held on the internet alias the web - hence the name webinar. One of the webinar's that I watched was the webinar by Mary Morrissey. Mary is a lifecoach in the USA. (Mary Morrissey.com)

One of the questions that Mary asked in her webinar was: What is one thing that I am doing to invest in my personal growth in 2015? I was thinking... well one of mine is listening to webinars like this. About a moment after thinking that Mary said something along the lines of, 'perhaps it is listening to a webinar like this!'

I invite you to join me if you wish. Grab a pen and a piece of paper and write your answer to...

  • What is one thing that I am doing to invest in my personal growth in 2015?

    I had a few other answers that started to pop up around that question. Then I started thinking about various areas that I could apply that question to... At times like this I tend to use a tool like the wellness wheel. The wellness wheel can vary as to what is most important in your life, and is just a matter of adapting it to suit.

    The Wellness Wheel

    As I looked at the wellness wheel, I adapted Mary's question to suit the segment.

  • What is one thing that I am doing to invest in my spiritual life in 2015?
  • What is one thing that I am doing to invest in my social life in 2015?
  • What is one thing that I am doing to invest in my emotional life in 2015?
  • What is one thing that I am doing to invest in my intellectual life in 2015?
  • What is one thing that I am doing to invest in my environmental life in 2015?
  • What is one thing that I am doing to invest in my physical life in 2015?
  • What is one thing that I am doing to invest in my occupational life in 2015?

    I realized working with this wellness wheel, that it was missing out on creativity, a large part of my wellness - so I started to create my own wheel. And then, doing that, I wondered - where did my family fit into my wellness wheel picture? I have included my family in my version of the wellness wheel.

  • What is one thing that I am doing to invest in my family life in 2015?
  • What is one thing that I am doing to invest in my creative life in 2015?

    So this year I start into the New Year, working with 'what one thing am I doing' question as a focus I invite you to join in, with me, and thousands of others who have taken part in Mary Morrissey's question.

    If you would like to take up the invitation, write that one thing down... and then... what steps can you take, to bring your one thing into an action. Oh and if you would like to visit Mary's website - here is the link; Mary Morrissey.com

    Happy New Year - may you create something wonderful for yourself, your family and our world.

  • Mind The Bump

    As advocates for positive mental health and wellbeing, Smiling Mind and beyondblue developed the Mind the Bump App program with psychiatrists and psychologists who specialise in Mindfulness Meditation, mental health, perinatal health and online well-being.

    Mind the Bump provides tailored exercises to support your mental and emotional well-being from day one of pregnancy through to 24 months after birth. The program is for mothers, fathers, single parents and same sex couples. It can also be used by health professionals working with new and expecting parents.

    What is Mindfulness?

    Mindfulness is the process of paying attention to the present moment, with purpose and without judgment. The activities in this App will train your brain and build your ability to be mindful. This will build your capacity to manage stress, change, and build connection.

    Information from Mind The Bump...

    Click here to learn more at Mind The Bump.org.au

    Gratitude - Sweat the small stuff

    Have you ever heard of the book, Don't sweat the small stuff? Well it's a great book, and if you haven't read it, I suggest you buy it. But lately I've been thinking that sometimes, we need to sweat some types of small stuff, and in this post, I'm going to invite you to sweat some of that sort of small stuff with me.

    I invite you to notice the little things in life that often go unnoticed, that actually mean a lot. And, when you notice them, I invite you to practice gratitude, and see what little changes happen in your life.

    Psychiatrist Dr. Dale Archer says, 'Gratitude is something that can be learned, practiced and developed, yielding a sense of well-being, optimism and happiness. What's more, when children see a thankful parent, they are more likely to become thankful children. Practiced overtime, gratitude as a practice is a pathway to can help to a happier life and relationships.

    Right now I invite you to stop reading and think of three things you can be grateful for, and write them down...
    I'm grateful for the rosebud that is blooming in my garden.
    I'm grateful for my dog running to greet me when I get home.
    I'm grateful for the sound of rain on my parched garden.

    When we are busy focussing on what is wrong with our lives, we can miss so much of what is good with our lives. Sometimes it might take a bit of work to find anything we are grateful for at all, but if we look hard enough, there is always something.
    I am grateful for the way that you listen to me.
    I am grateful for the way that you bring me my cup of tea each morning.
    I am grateful for the way that you call to see what sort of day I'm having.

    I'm grateful for the art I see when I go on my walk
    I always feel uplifted seeing it.

    I'm sure that you get the point, so find the little things to be grateful for, it might take a bit of sweat to recognise the good, the lovely, the quirky, the fun, the touching small stuff, but it is there, in fact it is all around - everyday.

    I so appreciated this little heart in my coffee when I received it, and it was given to me on a day when I was off to a funeral.

    Ways to cultivate Gratitude:

    One: Keep a journal. In the journal notice the little things, if you have a chance take a picture and paste it into your journal or do a stick drawing to illustrate it... ideas to journal about: the feeling of your child's hand in yours. The cool touch of an ocean wave on hot feet at the end of the day. The sound of a bird's call late in the evening. The crow stealing marbles from a pot plant that made me laugh.

    Two: write thank you letters to people who have been there for you. Tell them how much you appreciate them - it doesn't have to be a friend. Our local post office has some wonderful people working in it for instance that make my day when I visit. Send someone like this a letter or postcard. Sark has a wonderful suggestion in her book Living Juicy. Next time you are on a neighbourhood walk, take thank you notes to leave in someone's letterbox in appreciation of their garden (or maybe of their letterbox).

    Three: Use your words... tell someone face to face how much you appreciate them. We can get varied results in expressing gratitude, as many people are unused to being appreciated. Some love to hear appreciation and a big smile will appear, others may appear a little stunned, others may come back with a retort.

    It might feel awkward at first to start expressing your appreciation verbally, if you aren't used to it. And... if others are unused to you expressing gratitude, it might even feel awkward to them. But, if you persist, and appreciation becomes a new habit, you'll notice that something rather lovely starts to happen.

    You see we plant seeds of kindness with our gratitude. We water those seeds with our continued love and appreciation, keep doing it, and those seeds blossom and you'll be creating a happier, more peaceful life.

    Four: Before you go to sleep, reflect on what you noticed through the day that you are grateful for. If you sleep with a partner, tell them before sleep what you were grateful for that day.

    Well, that's my reflection on noticing the small stuff in life, and putting a tiny bit of sweat and effort into expressing appreciation, but before I head off - thank you for reading, and visiting here today.

    Credits:
    Photos: Art by unknown artists on the Port Macquarie Boardwalk.
    Dr Dale Archer: The Benefits of Gratitude in Psychology Today
    SARK: visit Sark's site here

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