Tips to help - Embrace Neurodiversity in Relationships

Today, I want to shed some light on a topic that's close to my heart: neurodiversity in relationships.

We all bring our unique strengths and quirks into our partnerships, and sometimes these differences include neurodivergent traits. Whether you or your partner are on the autism spectrum, have ADHD, or any other neurodivergent identity, it's important to remember that these differences can add depth, richness, and new perspectives to your relationship. Here are a few tips on how to navigate and thrive in neurodiverse relationships:

Communication is Key: Open and honest communication is the foundation of any strong relationship. Take the time to understand each other's communication styles and preferences. Be patient, listen actively, and express your needs and feelings clearly.

Educate Yourself: Learning about your partner's neurodivergent traits can help you better understand their perspective and needs. Knowledge empowers empathy and compassion.

Set Realistic Expectations: Be mindful that your partner may have sensory sensitivities, social challenges, or other unique needs. Setting realistic expectations and boundaries can help prevent misunderstandings.

Seek Support: Don't hesitate to seek support from therapists or support groups specializing in neurodiversity. They can provide valuable insights and strategies tailored to your unique situation.

Celebrate Differences: Embrace the differences that make your relationship unique. Neurodiversity can bring creativity, authenticity, and fresh perspectives to your life together.

Understanding emotions can vary greatly among neurodiverse individuals, as neurodiversity encompasses a broad spectrum of neurological differences such as autism, ADHD, and more. It's important to recognize that there is no one-size-fits-all explanation, as people with different neurodivergent traits may have distinct ways of processing and understanding emotions. However, here are some general insights into how neurodiverse individuals may perceive and interpret emotions:

1.Sensory Sensitivities: Many neurodiverse individuals have heightened sensory sensitivities, which can affect how they perceive and respond to emotions. For example, bright lights, loud noises, or strong odors may overwhelm their senses, making it challenging to focus on emotional cues.

2. Literal Thinking: Some neurodiverse individuals tend to think in concrete and literal terms. They may struggle with understanding metaphorical expressions or subtle non-verbal cues like facial expressions or body language. They may prefer direct and explicit communication.

3. Delayed Emotional Processing: Neurodiverse individuals may take longer to process and react to emotions, both their own and those of others. This delay can be due to cognitive processing differences or the need to analyze information more thoroughly.

4. Hyperfocus and Intense Emotions: Neurodiverse individuals, particularly those with ADHD, may experience intense emotions and hyperfocus on specific emotional aspects, often to the exclusion of other details. This can lead to a deep emotional understanding in certain situations.

5. Social Challenges: Some neurodiverse individuals may experience social difficulties, which can impact their ability to understand and navigate emotions within social contexts. They may struggle with recognising social cues, making friends, or interpreting social hierarchies.

6. Empathy Variability: Empathy levels can vary among neurodiverse individuals. Some may have heightened empathy, while others may find it challenging to empathize due to difficulties in recognising or understanding emotions in others.

7. Learning and Adapting: Neurodiverse individuals often learn to understand emotions through explicit teaching, therapy, or personal experience. With support and practice, many can develop effective strategies for recognizing and managing emotions.

8. Individual Differences: It's essential to remember that neurodiversity is highly individualistic, and there's a wide range of experiences within each neurodivergent category. What works for one person may not work for another, so understanding and accommodating each person's unique needs and preferences is crucial.

In summary, the way neurodiverse individuals understand emotions can vary significantly based on their specific neurodivergent traits and individual differences. It's essential to approach each person with patience, empathy, and a willingness to adapt communication and support strategies to meet their unique needs.

Remember, every relationship has its challenges, but with love, patience, and understanding, you can build a strong and beautiful bond with your neurodiverse partner.

#NeurodiversityInLove #LoveAndUnderstanding #StrongerTogether

Grief - Feeling Sadness - Mourning

In all our lives, at one time or another, we will all face loss. Loss comes in so many forms, maybe it's a loved one, a relationship, a pet, a business, a betrayal, a friendship. I'm sure if you are reading these words, you will have something come to mind.

Recently a friend of mine lost her beautiful dog, she didn't get lost, she died. I had grown quite fond of this little mutt, and found tears running down my cheeks as I read the message from her.

Grief is the emotion we experience when we lose something we hold dear. Grief can be a mixed up jumble of all sorts of feelings; anger, sadness, guilt, joy, frustration, relief, confusion, numbness, fear, hope, resentment. We can feel some or all of these at various times after loss, and all of them are OK. I hear you yell, no they're not OK. It can really hurt, when you are grieving, a lot, it can feel like it will never end.

Maybe a dam of tears has burst and you cry at the least little thing, or you can't stop crying.

Quote from The Power of Positivity on Instagram

A few years ago my mother died after a long battle in the hospital, at first I was doing OK. But then I moved, and the house I bought rather than being my dream home, had rain pouring in through the roof. One thing after the other, like a tsunami effect happened. And suddenly all the varying losses, unleashed a waterfall of tears that I just could not stop. No mum to talk to, she would have been a great counsellor, and the missing her started, a good six months after her loss.

So I went to see some therapists, and what I faced was people trying to fix me, instead of just sitting with me and hearing about my pain.

You see those emotions need a release, and tears are one way that the body releases. It's rare to find someone, who can just be present and comfortable enough to let you cry.

So if you are going through grief and feelings are coming up, give yourself space to mourn. If you have one, ask a good friend to listen, reassure them, that they don't have to do anything other than listen. Journal your thoughts, and feelings. Write letters to the person you lost. It's something we go through, and over time, the feelings will get easier to bear and the tears will get less and less. If you can't find a friend to reach out to, give me a call, I am very comfortable listening to, and being present to grief.

Kyle Cease: on grief...

You don’t go into winter with the intention to get to summer. You don’t mourn a person in order to get over them.

So why do we move right past our feelings in order to find oneness, have a positive life, or anything else?

Maybe it’s time to just feel what we feel, with no outcome in mind.

Maybe our patterns need to be honored and not rushed through.

Maybe it’s time to give the parts of us that are ready to go, a big thank you and a big funeral.

Each Grief is Different

Russell Brand talking with Steven Barlett on Addiction and Recovery

Russell Brand FINALLY Opens Up:

Escaping A Lifetime Of Anxiety, Addiction & Finding Love!

One of the best talks that I've heard from Russell Brand. If you or a loved one needs help for addiction, this talk may give you some insights.

If you would like to learn more about The Recovery Steps that Russell mentions in the talk above, here is a video for you...

Russell On The Twelve Step Program...

Click here for Recovery The Program.pdf

Alcohol and Your Brain Health

We’ve all heard the claims that alcohol is good for your health. The media is quick to cite studies saying that a glass of wine a day reduces the risk of heart attack and that drinking two glasses of wine or beer a day has been linked to a longer life. Sounds good, but what does alcohol do to the brain?

When it comes to that 3-pound supercomputer in your head, the news isn’t so rosy. Brain SPECT imaging studies at Amen Clinics, which has built the world’s largest database of functional brain scans related to behavior, as well as other research show that alcohol can damage the brain in ways that might make you think twice the next time you’re ordering at the bar.

1. Shrinks brain volume

People who drink just 1-7 drinks per week have smaller brains than nondrinkers, according to a 2008 study at Johns Hopkins that appeared in Archives of Neurology. This same research found that people who have 2 or more drinks per day have even more brain shrinkage.

Changes in the brain can occur early. A 2020 study in Scientific Reports found that moderate drinking was associated with lower total brain volume in early middle age (ages 39-45) in both males and females.

Research on adolescents and alcohol consumption in Developmental Cognitive Neuroscience showed that those who became heavy drinkers between the ages of 12-17 compared to those who did not drink alcohol started out with less brain volume and lost even more brain volume over time. When it comes to the brain, size matters!

2. Lowers blood flow to the brain

The brain scans of heavy drinkers show reduced overall blood flow to the brain. The brain uses 20% of the blood flow in your body and it is critical for healthy brain function.

When levels are low it can lead to a laundry list of problems—brain fog, poor decision-making, trouble concentrating, impulsivity, and more. It’s especially important to know that low blood flow on brain scans is the #1 predictor of future memory problems and Alzheimer’s disease.

Spect Brain Scan Heavy Alcohol Abuse

3. Causes atrophy of the hippocampus

Drinking 1-2 glasses of wine a day, which is considered “moderate” drinking, leads to atrophy in the hippocampus, according to a 30-year study of 550 women and men that was published in 2017 in BMJ.

The hippocampus is a critical brain region for learning and memory. In this study, people who had 4 or more drinks per day were 6 times more likely to have atrophy in this critically important region of the brain compared with nondrinkers, and moderate drinkers had 3 times the risk.

The researchers noted that they found no protective effects from light drinking. And higher alcohol use was also linked to changes in the microstructure of the corpus callosum, a thick bundle of nerve fibers that connect the two hemispheres of the brain and that is involved in allowing both sides of the brain to communicate effectively.

4. Reduces the number of new brain cells

Excessive alcohol consumption lowers the generation of new brain cells, especially in the hippocampus, according to animal research presented at Neuroscience in 2009. In the study, monkeys that consumed alcohol experienced a 58% decline in the number of new brain cells formed and a 63% reduction in the survival rate of new brain cells.

5. Increases the risk of dementia

Compared with non-drinkers and light drinkers, moderate to heavy drinkers have a 57% higher risk of dementia, according to research in The Journals of Gerontology, Series A. Drinking can literally make you lose your mind.

ALCOHOL ABUSE AND THE BRAIN

In people who abuse alcohol, the impacts on the brain can be even greater. A wealth of evidence, including findings in a 2016 review in Frontiers in Psychiatry, suggests that certain brain regions, such as the prefrontal cortex (involved in decision-making, impulse control, planning, and follow-through) and the hippocampus (involved in memory, mood, and learning), experience the most damage from long-term abuse of alcohol.

BRAIN REHAB PROGRAM

Although these findings paint a grim picture of alcohol’s impact on the brain, the effects don’t have to be permanent. You are not stuck with the brain you have. Brain imaging studies at Amen Clinics show that the brains of heavy drinkers and alcohol abusers have the potential for recovery.

Before-and-after SPECT scans in patients who follow a brain rehab program show remarkable improvements in blood flow and activity in the brain. Additional scientific evidence has found that the cognitive deficits related to damage to the prefrontal cortex recover more rapidly than those associated with the hippocampus.

To rehab your brain, follow these tips:

Stop poisoning your brain with alcohol.

Love your brain.

Fuel your brain with nutrient-dense foods.

Avoid sugar in all its forms.

Eliminate things that lower blood flow, including too much caffeine or smoking.

Learn to kill the ANTs (automatic negative thoughts) that steal your happiness.

Article from Doc Amen click here to visit Amen Clinics

Addiction - "Find your nature, and be nice to yourself" - Gabor Mate

"My definition of addiction is any behaviour that gives you temporary relief, temporary pleasure, but in the long term causes harm, has some negative consequences and you can't give it up, despite those negative consequences." - Gabor Mate

"There are many many addictions, yes there's the addiction to drugs, but there's also the addiction to consumerism, the addiction to sex, to the internet, to shopping, to food."

Canadian physician Gabor Maté is a specialist in terminal illnesses, chemical dependents, and HIV positive patients.

Dr. Maté is a renowned author of books and columnist known for his knowledge about attention deficit disorder, stress, chronic illness and parental relations.

His theme at TEDxRio+20 was addiction -- from drugs to power. From the lack of love to the desire to escape oneself, from susceptibility of the being to interior power -- nothing escapes.

And he risks a generic and generous prescription:
"Find your nature and be nice to yourself." - Gabor Mate

Compassionate Inquiry is a psychotherapeutic method developed by Dr. Gabor Maté that reveals what lies beneath the appearance we present to the world.

Using Compassionate Inquiry, the therapist unveils the level of consciousness, mental climate, hidden assumptions, implicit memories and body states that form the real message that words both express and conceal.

Through Compassionate Inquiry, the client can recognize the unconscious dynamics that run their lives and how to liberate themselves from them.

Dr Gabor Mate.com

Marriage Minute - Pay Attention to Your Relationship

Small things make a difference in relationships.

Little things add up over time...

Getting Right With Yourself

"Getting right with yourself is to start being a healthy parent to yourself. Having a healthy parent onboard means you are treating yourself with compassion and making sense of the world. The definition of the healthy parent ego, or voice is called the Nurturing, Structuring Parent." John Skandalis

After yoga most weeks we have a coffee and chat. I brought up the question of why we tend to attract the same types of partners into our lives, one after the other. I posed the question, 'do you think once we get right with ourselves then we stop attracting partners who are similar to the one's before?'

One person asked, 'what does it mean to get right with yourself?'

It's an interesting question isn't it... what does the question bring up for you?

John Scandalis suggests...

So, the idea of getting right with yourself means learning how to have compassion for your shortcomings and not judge yourself unduly. Another way to look at it is being a good parent to yourself. We treat, or parent ourselves, the way we were treated by our parents. This if often in a judgmental and critical way.

Attracting the same type of partner over and over who treats you less than.

I often have people attending for counselling wondering why they find themselves attracting partners who display the same types of behaviour - whether they cheat, treat you badly, don't listen, are never there for you, and find yourself again on the merry-go-round from hell, again and again. Have you wondered why this happens?

A study from the University of Toronto finds that people typically date a similar type of person, and usually gravitate towards this type no matter the circumstances.

"The degree of consistency from one relationship to the next suggests that people may indeed have a 'type'," says MacDonald. "And though our data do not make clear why people's partners exhibit similar personalities, it is noteworthy that we found partner similarity above and beyond similarity to oneself."

Can it be that they mirror the beliefs that you hold deep in the unconscious? Perhaps you meet a person who is good with words, and as a child growing up, you didn't hear words of encouragement. So you look for a partner who can give you that. However, in the process, you miss their behaviours.

Tina B. Tessina PhD, in her book, Dr Romance's Finding Love Today says...

“When you’re operating within old, familiar patterns, you don’t need to think about what you’re doing. Your body is wired to do familiar things without having to think about them. This leaves your mind free to wander and to de-stress,” Tessina explains.

When it comes to buying groceries, this mental shortcut can be extremely convenient, but in relationships, they may not always be a good thing.

For example, if you grow up around violent people, addicts, or those who are emotionally unavailable, as an adult, you will already know how to deal with them, so they feel familiar, she says. “It’s comforting in an irrational way.”

So when you find yourself in a pattern of attracting similar people in relationships, reach out to someone you can talk to, and investigate ways to leave that old merry-go-round that really isn't so merry.