Welcome to my counselling and wellbeing blog, where you'll find resources and practical information for individuals and couples. Explore articles about relationships, emotional wellbeing, communication, mindfulness, attachment, boundaries, emotional regulation, self-awareness and navigating life's challenges. You'll also find practical exercises, reflection ideas and tools to support personal growth, healthier relationships and greater emotional wellbeing.
After a day's walk, everything has twice its usual value. G.M. Trevelyan
It's a hugely challenging time, we are all faced with lockdowns, restrictions and border closures. For some of us, our regular exercise program may be being challenged, adding to our stress.
What form of movement do you enjoy? Most days I walk between 5-12 ks, and love it. But with the social distancing rules prohibiting dancing at venues, I've found I'm missing my dancing life. I've been noticing it affects my level of well-being. In this talk Kelly McGonical shares why movement matters.
"Movement will give you access to joy, that will dramaticalllly improve the quality of your life. Help support mental health and create more meaning and belonging." Kelly McGonical PHD.
So how's your stress levels right now? Mine go from feeling fine to feeling anxious. The days I'm feeling fine are the days when I stop to take time to do my yoga practice, or do my yoga breathing or go for a walk. What about you, do you notice when you are feeling the stress of this current situation? Do you notice when you are feeling OK - Are you feeling OK?
After visiting the supermarket this morning, and witnessing the panic in the faces and the movement of many there, I'm going to suggest that we all need to practice Mindfulness right now. Mindful of keeping space between us, mindful of being kind to ourselves to another.
There's an age old practice called keeping space or holding space. It's that we give another person, unconditional positive regard. With social distancing we can move with one another in a form of dance, respecting the space and flowing with one another and it can actually be quite fun to do. As long as we aren't absolutely focussed on having to plow along mindlessly.
Take some time to play with the distancing when you are in the supermarket, pretend you both have magnets on, that push each other away, move with the energy. Smile even if you feel like you don't want to, something shifts in our brains when we smile. Somedays when you smile and you don't feel like it, it can feel like you're lifting concrete with your cheek bones! Recall a funny time, and then go from there.
Here are two videos by two of the leaders in the mindfulness field. There are also some meditations and mindfulness practices in the videos.
I'm available to talk face to face via Skype or WhatsApp - just a matter of booking a time to connect.
I think that this is one of my all time favourite videos by Russell Brand. If you aren't familiar with his videos, here is a link to Russell's youtube channel for some inspired viewing.
I invite you to hit the pause button for a while, stop and focus on your breathing, allow it to slow it down, for a minute, lets be radical - or even for 5 minutes. Think about a time when someone was kind to you. What was happening at the time, really replay it in your mind and remember the feelings that it created in you.
A challenge for you today: Look for an opportunity to be kind. Bring kindness to your voice when talking to your loved ones.
Have a discussion about kindness at the dinner table, when you next get together with friends, ask them, who was the kindest person that they knew? Ask them, what that person used to do... it's an interesting conversation starter and fascinating to see where the conversation goes next.
The WORLD TRANSFORMATION MOVEMENT (WTM) is a not-for-profit organisation dedicated to bringing transforming biological understanding to the underlying problem in all human affairs of the human condition — which is our species’ extraordinary capacity for what has been called ‘good and evil’. In particular, the WTM recognises the breakthrough biological explanation of the human condition put forward by Australian biologist Jeremy Griffith in his various publications, especially his 2016 book FREEDOM: The End Of The Human Condition.
“I have no doubt FREEDOM provides the holy grail of insight we have sought for the psychological rehabilitation of the human race. This is the book we have been waiting for, it is the book that saves the world.”
Professor Harry Prosen,
Former President of the Canadian Psychiatric Association
You can download the book for free here: Human Condition.com There are also PDF's audio books and a synopsis all free at the website.
Over the years, my practice has mostly attracted people seeking help for relationships. I am always open to learning and listening, for ways to help others and of course myself. Here is an elder's wisdom...
"The great thing about marriage is that it creates trust, the most precious of things." Theodore Zeldin
"When will we make the same breakthroughs in the way we treat each other as we have made in technology?" Theodore Zeldin
If you would like some support exploring your emotions, relationships or the challenges you are experiencing, counselling can provide a safe and supportive space to slow down, gain perspective and develop a deeper understanding of yourself.
There are some teachers whose words stay with you long after you've heard them. Angeles Arrien was one of those teachers for me.
A wonderful storyteller, teacher and cultural anthropologist, Angeles had a beautiful way of taking complex ideas about human behaviour, relationships and culture and making them accessible, meaningful and memorable.
In this talk, she explores what women want in relationships — but I think there is something here for all of us. Beneath the question of what women want, or what men want, are some much deeper questions:
What do we need from one another?
What helps us feel loved, respected and understood?
And what allows a relationship to truly flourish?
Angeles Arrien was a cultural anthropologist, educator, author and consultant who worked internationally, bringing together insights from cultural anthropology, psychology and mediation. She was particularly interested in how our cultural beliefs and patterns influence the way we relate to one another.
She passed away in 2014, but her work continues to offer thoughtful questions about relationships, connection and what it means to live well with one another.
I hope you enjoy listening to her. Sometimes a good teacher doesn't give us an answer — they give us a question that stays with us.
One of my values is learning, I am committed learner and love to find out all the latest information on the things that I am passionate about.
Relationships have been one of my main areas of focus in my Port Macquarie Counselling practice.
With my value of learning in mind, I am often to be found looking at the latest talks and training online. I think we are so lucky to have access to very skilled minds sharing their information via TED talks, via blogs and other internet sources. Today I discovered Dr Blair West. After listening to his TED talk on ways to build a happy marriage, I looked up his website and discovered the quote below...
"...as authors of our life we need to re-visit what we need to fix within ourselves, but not always …
In your relationship, how much fun and enjoyment are you having? We know that the biggest difference between broken relationships and great ones is not the amount of negative interactions – the frequency is almost the same (although in great relationships it is de-escalated earlier). No, the difference is the amount of fun being had. click here to visit Dr Blair West's blog and read more
Choosing to marry and share your life with someone is one of the most important decisions you can make in life. But with divorce rates approaching fifty percent in some parts of the world, it's clear we could use some help picking a partner. In an actionable, eye-opening talk, psychiatrist George Blair-West shares three keys to preventing divorce -- and spotting potential problems while you're still dating.
