people who try to belittle you
How Does Divorce Affect Teenagers
"After a turbulent 18 years of marriage, I believe my husband and I will be getting a divorce soon. We've split up lots of times before (due to both his and my affairs) and we've tried counseling, but this time I think it is finally over. There is too much hurt and too much anger. Cliché of me perhaps, but I have stayed because of my kids. I just want to know, how does divorce really affect teenagers? I have two teens: a 14-year-old girl and a 16-year-old boy." --Soon-To-Be Single Mom
Positive Parenting Tip for Teenagers Dealing with Divorce
Dear Soon-To-Be Single Mom:
Bottom line--getting a divorce will rock your teens' world.
Yet chances are your children have already experienced the negative affects of your strained relationship to your husband. Yongmim Sun, assistant professor at Ohio State,conducted a National Education Longitudinal Study with over 10,000 students and concluded that: "The negative effects that we associate with divorce are actually evident in teens at least one year before the marriage has ended.... It's not accurate to say divorce doesn't matter at all, but it is true that much of the damage to adolescents has already occurred before the divorce." (Journal of Marriage and Family, August 2001).
So how will your teens react? There is no way to tell for certain, but generally teens and pre-teens dealing with their parents divorce may become:
1. Angry and highly critical of their parents' decision.
2. Depressed or withdrawn from both parents, while seeking stronger connections with peers.
3. Disillusioned with marriage and feel rejected by one or both parents.
4. Better behaved--hoping that this will save their parents' marriage.
5. Involved with risk-taking activities (i.e. skipping class, turning to drugs and alcohol, becoming sexually active, etc.)
6. Withdrawn from one parent as a form of punishment--while taking the side of the other parent.
Fortunately, you can mitigate some of these negative effects by:
1. Maintaining current family routines (as much as possible) and ensuring that your kids have quality time with both you and your husband.
2. Resisting the urge to lean on your teens for support and instead seeking counseling and the support of your own friends.
3. Taking a vow of silence whenever you feel compelled to speak ill of your husband while in the presence of your children.
4. Ensuring that your teens have support from friends and family. Research suggests that support from extended members of your family and community can make a world of difference when it comes to having your teens successfully survive a divorce.
5. Finding a counselor for your teens that they like and can confide in (school counselors are sometimes useful to consult).
6. Continuing to expect respect from your teens and maintaining your current household rules.
Divorce (and the lead up to divorce) puts a strain on everyone in the family. By striving to make your divorce as amicable as possible, by finding support for your teens and counseling for you, and by staying connected with your children you will get through this--and so will they.
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Article by: Kelly Nault, MA author of When You’re About To Go Off The Deep End, Don’t Take Your Kids With You inspires moms to put themselves first—for the sake of their children. She shares time-tested tools that motivate children to want to be well behaved, responsible and happy!
Mommy Moments.com
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Would you stop to listen?
The Setting: In Washington, a Railway Station, a cold January morning, a man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2,000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.
He finished playing and silence took over. Of all the people walking through the station that day, very few people stopped to notice. No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold-out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music.
The Experiment: Joshua Bell, playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was organized by Gene Weingarten of the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities.
This experiment raised several questions:
*In a common-place environment, at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?
*If so, do we stop to appreciate it?
*Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?
One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made . . .
How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?
An excerpt from mountainwings.com
A Nurturing Family
"Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible - the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family." Virginnia Satir
1. Appreciating Individual Differences
In a nurturing family, each person is valued for who they are — not who others expect them to be. Differences in personality, opinion, or life path are seen as strengths rather than sources of conflict. When family members can be themselves without fear of criticism or rejection, they develop a stronger sense of self-worth and belonging.
2. Tolerating Mistakes
No one gets it right all the time. In fact, mistakes are often how we learn compassion, humility, and resilience. Families that can forgive, reflect, and move forward together create an emotional safety net. This tolerance helps children and adults alike develop confidence and self-acceptance, knowing they don’t have to be perfect to be loved.
3. Keeping Communication Open
Open communication is the heartbeat of a nurturing family. It means being able to express needs and feelings honestly, listen with empathy, and respond without judgment. When everyone feels heard, it strengthens trust and reduces misunderstandings. This kind of communication invites deeper emotional intimacy and connection.
4. Allowing Rules to Be Flexible
Every family needs structure, but rigidity can stifle growth. Flexible rules — ones that adapt as children mature and circumstances change — encourage responsibility, creativity, and cooperation. It’s about balancing guidance with freedom, and understanding that love doesn’t depend on strict adherence to rules.
Creating a Nurturing Environment
Building a nurturing family doesn’t happen overnight; it’s an ongoing process of awareness and intentional care. It begins with each member’s willingness to grow, to listen, and to love — even when it’s hard.
As Satir reminds us, feelings of worth don’t grow in perfection, but in understanding. When we create space for appreciation, forgiveness, openness, and adaptability, we give each other the freedom to thrive.
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Harbouring hate and resentment
Hope can be given...
Never underestimate the power of kindness... a kind word, a smile, helping someone push a heavy trolley to their car... all these little things can turn someone else's world from despair to hope - and you have that power.
Look in your heart and see the truth
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth, you are weeping for that, which has been your delight. Kahlil Gibran
